Clean Laffs

Good morning crew,

Steve, the editor of The Daily Groaner, is getting married
next month and he needed someone to fill out his roster.
You know, someone not so good looking so that he doesn’t
draw attention away from the rest of the people at the front
of the church or at the head table at the reception. So he
tapped me.

Steve tried to give me a rundown of what was going to happen
but I held a hand up… “I’ve done more than a couple of
these,” I assured him. “I only need to know one thing…is
my bridesmaid single?”

Laugh it up,

Joe

                            ***

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                            ***

“It’s Earth Day. The day we celebrate when the Earth was
born. This year I got the Earth Day massage certificate.”
 -Jimmy Kimmel

                            ***

“Bill Clinton and George W. Bush will appear together in
Toronto for a two-hour friendly debate. Each side gets to
pick a topic. The first hour will be on the international
banking crisis; the second hour will be dedicated to NASCAR
trivia. I’m not saying who picked what…” -Jimmy Fallon

                            ***

“As the economy lags, the Army is getting more and more
selective. They announced this week they will no longer
accept drug addicts and felons. So if you’re drug addict
or a felon, you’re not welcomed in the United States Army.
The good news: There’s always Congress, the NFL, and show
business.” -Jay Leno

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Don goes into business for himself. He buys a hotdog cart
and sets it up in a prime spot on a busy downtown corner,
right near a large bank.

One day, his friend Jim approaches him and asks Don if he
can lend him some money.

Don refuses.

“But why?” asks Jim. “Everyone knows you’re doing well, and
I’m not asking for much.”

“Well, Jim, in order to get this spot I had to sign a Non-
competition Agreement with that bank over there. According
to the terms of the agreement, they don’t sell hot dogs,
and I don’t lend money.”

*———————- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————–*

A flight instructor was sent out to help a trainee who had
radioed that he was about to make a forced landing a few
miles from the base. The instructor spotted the plane
standing in a field small enough to present a real challenge
to his professional reputation.

With determination, full flaps and engine just above the
stall, he maneuvered into the field. Climbing out, he shouted
angrily to the trainee, “Just how did you manage to get into
such a small field?”

“I landed in the big field over there,” the trainee pointed,
“but in order to leave room for you, I had the farmer tow me
here.”

***********************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS 
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.