Clean Laffs

Posts Tagged ‘Wedding Reception’

All I have to do is not embarrass myself.

September 26th, 2008

Good morning crew,

Another wedding this weekend, but this time it is no one in
my family. I’m just a date. Arm candy. I’m not even going to
the wedding, to be perfectly honest. I just have to show up
at the reception, look good, and try not to walk too purpose-
fully toward the bar.

There is an old rule that Frank Sinatra always followed when
at a party. He said always have a drink in your hand, but
never finish it.

I don’t subscribe to that rule. Especially when the aqua
vitae is gratis. All I have to do is not embarrass myself
in front of my date’s family and friends. I should be able
to handle that.

Also, Chicago Gourmet is this weekend. This is kind of like
the Taste of Chicago, except the food is good (and about
four times as expensive). I don’t know if I’ll have the time
for that, but if I do make it I’ll be sure to fill you in
on the details.

Enjoy your weekend!

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“Just the other day I sent the girlfriend a huge pile of
snow…I rang her up and said, ‘Did you get my drift?’”
–Peter Kay

***

“Always and never are two words you should always remember
never to use.” –Wendell Johnson

***

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One of our patients wasn’t taking any chances. Prior to her
operation, she taped notes to her body for the surgeon…
“Take your time,” “Don’t cut yourself,” “No need to rush,”
“Wash your hands…”

After surgery, as I helped the patient back into her bed,
we discovered a new note taped to her, this one from the
doctor, “Has anyone seen my wristwatch?”

*————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes —————*

I spent 20 minutes explaining life insurance options to one
of our employees. After reviewing the different plans and
monthly deductions, he decided to max out, choosing $100,000
worth of life insurance. But he had one last question.

“Now,” he said, “what do I have to do to collect the money?”