Clean Laffs » Vacation

40 mph was more than fast enough.

editor — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 13:00:05 +0000

Good morning crew,

Other than stuffing our faces at the most expensive
restaurants in town and spending way too much time in the
bars we did get to enjoy the lake a little bit. And since
we didn’t have a sailboat we had to opt for Waverunners!

A Waverunner is sort of like a jet ski that you sit down
on…and it’s designed for two (or if you’re skinny, three)
people. But that doesn’t mean the sucker won’t fly!

It tops out around 40 miles-per-hour (on the water, mind
you!) and would certainly do more with only one person on
board.

We had two and 40 miles-per-hour was more than enough. At
40 mph the Waverunner will literally shoot off the crest
of a wave like it was a ramp…giving the riders a second
or two of heart pounding air-time.

But when it’s not literally flying through the air it pounds
through the waves like a jackhammer. Now remember, there are
two people straddling a very hard plastic seat while all of
this jackhammering is taking place.

We were too terrified to notice it while we were out on the
water, but walking down the street (back to the bar) after
getting off the thing I noticed a very distinct pain in my
groinal region. I glanced at the gf and noticed her walking
a little bow-legged as well.

Well, it was nothing that a few margaritas couldn’t cure.
Plus, if you’re going to have fun you have to pay for it.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

MAGIC PEN & CALCULATOR TUBE…
You’ll spend hours trying to figure out how it works!

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MAGIC PEN & CALCULATOR TUBE

***

“This fall, a team of scientists will shoot lasers at Mt.
Rushmore to create a three-dimensional model. If the lasers
are effective, Teddy Roosevelt will no longer need glasses.”
-Conan O’Brien

***

“Elsewhere in the news, a Swedish company was fined today
after one of their assembly robots attacked a human worker.
And so it begins…” -Craig Ferguson

***

“Big political scandal in New Jersey. This one was a little
different — political and religious. A lot of rabbis got
together and were selling human organs. Here’s a word of
warning: Be careful if you are offered a kidney that fell
off of a truck.” -David Letterman

————————————————————————————-
5-In-1 Multi Purpose Slicer
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DEAL PRICE: $9.99
Get two for $15.98

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I didn’t even mention all the cabinet and drawer space you’ll
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Grab one for $9.99 or two (makes a great gift) for $15.98. Visit:
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5-In-1 Multi Purpose Slicer…
————————————————————————————-

I was leaving for a two-day conference, and my seven-year-
old daughter, Katherine, was becoming overly clinging and
teary.

I was mystified at her emotional reaction until I heard
her say to my husband, “Daddy, I have a loose tooth. If it
falls out while Mommy is gone, do you know how to handle
this tooth fairy thing?”

*—————— Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ——————-*

I was in a department store dressing room when I overheard a
woman in the next booth make disparaging remarks about the
clothes she was trying on. Finally, an attendant knocked on
her door and asked if there was a specific color or style she
could get for her.

“I need a dress for my class reunion,” the woman answered.
“I don’t care what color or style, as long as it makes me
look twenty pounds lighter and ten years younger.”

From another dressing room I heard a woman call out, “Make
that two.”

************************************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

Why is fun always so expensive?

editor — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 13:00:27 +0000

Good morning crew,

Other than being mocked by the weather the entire time we
were there we actually had a very nice time in Lake Geneva.
It’s a very small town and other than the residential areas
the entire life of the town is centered around the lake, as
you might imagine.

I was of the opinion that we should get a cheap motel out-
side of town and just walk or drive the few minutes it would
take to get to the heart of the action, but my girlfriend,
who was masterminding the expedition, insisted that we get
a luxury room right off the lake.

And luxury room was right. This was not a hotel room, this
was an apartment that was professionally cleaned every day.
It boasted a full kitchen and dining room and a separate
bedroom suite. The bathroom even had a whirlpool tub while
the balcony featured a grand view of “Joe’s Chicago Pizza”
across the street.

And we paid for it, too. You’d think we were in Tahiti for
the coin we shelled out for that room. The real advantage,
though, was the location. We were in the middle of the
“downtown” area, such as it was, and could walk in ten
minutes to every single attraction Lake Geneva has to offer.

And what Lake Geneva mostly has to offer is bars and
restaurants. They have some really good eating there, too.
One of my favorite places being Popeye’s…and I’m not
talking about the chicken place.

Popeye’s is a barbecue place and a chop house, among other
things, but their distinguishing feature is a giant barbecue
pit they have built right out in the parking lot of the
place.

At first it was just going to be the two of us, but the
convenience of only being a couple hours north of Chicago
lured out a small army…mostly people from the school.
It was like a martial arts social. There ended up being
eight of us and we ate and drank about $300 worth of food
and drinks…and then we went out on the town afterward!

After giant plates full of barbecue followed by several
hours of bar hopping and dancing about half of the group
actually drove home! Fortunately I was under no such
pressure. Plus, there were still plenty of stupid things
to do!

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

I bought a great new toilet seat recently. On the label was
a suggestion on how to clean it. Although nice to have the
option, I doubt I’ll take advantage of it. My toilet seat,
it seems, is “Dishwasher Safe.”

***

My in-laws gave us a beautiful knife set–top quality. The
accompanying cutting board, however, was a different story.
On the wrapping around it was printed this warning: “Opening
with sharp object may damage this product.”

***

I prefer to describe myself as a “Contemporary Anthropological
Interactive Observer” because it has just the right amount
of flair. Besides….”stalker” is such an ugly word.

—————————————————————————————
Handy Can-Opener
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Handy Can-Opener – Open Cans Safely In Seconds…
—————————————————————————————

Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat
together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel
operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen
in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his
wife, “Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having
a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and
dock it.”

So she drove the boat to shore.

Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where
her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him,
switched the TV channel, and said to him, “Please go into the
kitchen, dear. Pretend I’m having a heart attack and set the
table, cook dinner and wash the dishes.”

*——————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————*

A lawyer walks into his client’s death row cell and says,
“I’ve got good news, and bad news for you.. ” The prisoner
says. ” Okay. What’s the bad news? ” “The bad news is that
the Governor won’t issue a stay of your execution…you go
to the chair at 7 PM tonight.” “Oh, that’s horrible. What
possibly could be the good news?”

“The good news is that I got your voltage reduced!”

**********************************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

Talk about your wasted opportunities.

editor — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 13:00:12 +0000

Good morning crew,

I have some serious issues with NOAA.gov and weather.com,
namely that they couldn’t predict the weather with a crystal
ball, or maybe a crystal ball is exactly what they are
predicting the weather with!

For days before leaving for Lake Geneva I was checking the
weather twice a day. Every day they were predicting a 30-40
percent chance of thunderstorms and mild winds.

Because of that I didn’t take either the sailboat or the
motorcycle up there. What do you think we got for three solid
days in Lake Geneva? Sunny skies, 75-80 degree weather and
10-20 mph winds. Ideal conditions for either the motorcycle
or the boat! Talk about your wasted opportunities.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

LED KEY FINDER with Key Chain Clip
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LED KEY FINDER with Key Chain Clip

***

“According to a survey by nationwide mutual insurance, 2
percent of people actually shave while they’re driving. They
shave! How many guys would like to be in the car with those
women?” –Jay Leno

***

“I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna
put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But
first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of
the map so it won’t fall down.” –Mitch Hedberg

***

“Food addicts are the people I feel sorriest for because
that’s really hard. You need to eat. You don’t need to do
drugs. Very hard for these people to quit. “I’m going cold
turkey… mmmmm turkey. Do not think about food… do not
think about food… do not… nuts…” –Craig Ferguson

———————————————————————————————–
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TOUGH TOOLS LED TORCH FLASHLIGHT
———————————————————————————————–

A park ranger in the Everglades was making his rounds a
couple of summers ago when a woman came bolting out of
the weeds right in front of his truck. She seemed frantic
and he finally got her calm enough to say that her five-
year-old son was sitting on the back of an alligator.

Now the ranger was frantic. Running in the direction she
was pointing he found the lad astride a twelve foot male
alligator which was trying to relieve itself of its load
by twisting and snapping. As the brave ranger moved in he
tried to console the mother by saying, “I think I can grab
the boy and move away before the gator moves. Be ready to
grab your son. I may have to shoot the gator.”

To which the lady replies “Good Heavens, no! Don’t shoot
him. I just wanted you to make him hold still for a minute
so I could take my son’s picture on his back.”

*———————- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————–*

“This house,” said the real estate salesman, “has both its
good points and its bad points. To show you I’m honest, I’m
going to tell you about both.

The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one
block south and a slaughterhouse a block north.”

“What are the advantages?” inquired the prospective buyer.

“The advantage is that you can always tell which way the
wind is blowing.”

************************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

I’m going to try not to feel morose.

editor — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 13:00:45 +0000

Good morning crew,

By the time you read this I’ll be half way to Lake Geneva.
As of this afternoon (which is yesterday to you folks) the
weather wasn’t looking very promising…so I probably did
not drag the boat up with me. It’s very disappointing. Since
my efforts to sell her have proved fruitless (so far) I feel
like I owe it to myself to get some sailing time in, and the
summer is starting to waste away.

But…with a little luck I will find enough to distract me
this weekend so I’m not feeling morose over having to leave
the boat behind. In a town dominated by bars and restaurants
I’m hoping that won’t be too hard.

Enjoy your weekend and look for me next week!

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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Electric Smart Cutter Scissors…

***

“Oh, yeah. ‘Oooh, ahhh,’ that’s how it always starts. Then
later there’s running and screaming.”
–Jeff Goldblum as Dr. Ian Malcolm in “The Lost World:
Jurassic Park”

***

“You’ll meet someone. Someone very special. Someone who
won’t press charges.”
–Raul Julia as Gomez Addams in “Addams Family Values”

***

“I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There’s not a
lot of money in revenge.”
–Mandy Patinkin as Inigo Montoya in “The Princess Bride”

———————————————————————————————–
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PET BLINKERS… The Pet Safety Light
———————————————————————————————–

A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of
peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to
the clerk, “I suppose you will want some identification.”

He replied, without hesitation, “No ma’am, that won’t be
necessary.”

“How come?” asked the woman.

“Crooks don’t buy peat moss.” answered the clerk.

*———————- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————–*

Like most puppies, mine is not finicky about what he puts
in his mouth. He Eats anything. But the day he swallowed
a quarter, I panicked and called the vet.

“What should I do?” I pleaded over the phone.

My extremely laid-back vet answered calmly, “Swallowing a
quarter is nothing to worry about. But if he does it again
and a can of pop shoots out of his rear, give me a call.”

************************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to others.

I’m in the minority

editor — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 13:00:50 +0000

Good morning crew,

The annoying thing about planning a little getaway like
this is waiting on the weather. I would like to take the
motorcycle up to Lake Geneva. It’s a beautiful ride and
short enough to be fun without being exhausting, but I
don’t trust any forecast more than 24 hours out, so it’s
impossible to plan that ahead.

On the other hand, if the wind is favorable I just might
drag the boat up. It is a lake, after all. All I have to
do it talk the rest of the partiers to sail with me. I’m
sort of in the minority as far as having a passion for
putting myself at the mercy of the wind in a sailboat.

Those land-lubbers don’t know what they’re missing.

My goal this weekend is not to spend money. Next weekend
is going to be expensive enough for the entire month! I’ll
let you know next week if I succeed.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

“I HOPE I DON’T JINX MYSELF…”

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***

“Yesterday Democrats in the House introduced a 1,000-page
national healthcare plan. To make sure at least some people
read it, they named it ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Pound
Proposal.’” -Conan O’Brien

***

“Today is a day I wait for all year — Cow Appreciation Day.
So I had a burger for dinner.” –Craig Ferguson

***

“Last night, ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’ set
a box office record for midnight showings, making over 22
million dollars. It also set a record for the most 40-year-
old guys wearing capes.” -Jimmy Fallon

———————————————————————————————–
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- Brush Sizes 1-8 and 10
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- Perfect for Painting, Arts, and Crafts

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18 Brushes For Less Than You Would Pay For One…
———————————————————————————————–

A woman walked into the elevator tossing her keys up in the
air and catching them. After one too many tosses, she dropped
the keys, and we watched as they disappeared into the crack
between the open doors and the floor.

I felt terrible for her. Or I did until she cried, “Oh no!
Not again!”

*———————- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————–*

I was driving around and around a parking garage in search of
an available space. Nothing. Then I noticed a couple walking
ahead of me.

“Going out?” I called to them hopefully.

“No,” said the man. “Just friends.”

************************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to others.

I need to get into beach shape.

editor — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 13:00:13 +0000

Good morning crew,

I realize we’re already into the second week of July, but
I really need to get into beach shape. In a couple of weeks
I am going with a small group of people to a little resort
town in Wisconsin called Lake Geneva and I plan on spending
a lot of time without much clothes on.

So in two weeks I have to get a tan, knock about an inch
off of my waist and add about an inch to my chest. Actually,
that will be the easy part. Coming up with the cash to pay
for this little extravaganza is going to be the challenging
part.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

The Health eCig – The Electronic Cigarette Kit
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The Health eCig – The Electronic Cigarette Kit

***

“I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman
with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s
capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future.”
–Richard Jeni

***

“There’s always one of my uncles who watches a boxing match
with me and says, “Sure. Ten million dollars. You know, for
that kind of money, I’d fight him.” As if someone is going
to pay $200 a ticket to see a 57-year-old carpet salesman
get hit in the face once and cry. –Larry Miller

***

“Inside every older person is a younger person — wondering
what the hell happened.” –Cora Harvey Armstrong

———————————————————————————————–
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———————————————————————————————–

Teeing off on the 12th hole at a golf resort, we stopped to
buy cold drinks from the young woman driving the beverage
cart. As my buddy reached for his wallet, he said to her,
“You’re in great shape. You must work out a lot.”

Flattered, she gave him a big smile and gushed, “Oh, thank
you so much!”

The next day a different young woman was driving the cart.
“Watch this,” I whispered. I walked up to her and said,
“Wow, you must work out a lot.”

“Yeah,” she replied flatly. “You should try it.”

*———————- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————–*

A neutron walks into a bar. “I’d like a beer” he says. The
bartender promptly serves up a beer. “How much will that be?”
asks the neutron.

“For you?” replies the bartender, “no charge.”

************************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

It is my patriotic duty.

editor — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 13:00:40 +0000

Good morning crew,

I’m taking the day off tomorrow because the fourth falls on
Saturday and I feel it is my patriotic duty to not contribute
to the economy for at least one day in celebration of our
country’s independence.

With my time off I think I’ll head downtown for The Taste
of Chicago. Foolish? Yes. Maybe even stupid. It is the day
before a major holiday and the second to last day of the
fest. About half of the entire population of Chicago will
be there. There will be lines of up to two and a half hours,
and that is just to buy the food and drink tickets. The
lines to buy actual food and drinks will probably be several
hours each.

The lines for the bathrooms will be so long it will be more
convenient to actually walk to the lake front and go right
in Lake Michigan.

But! One way or another I’m going. If you don’t hear from me
on Monday you can assume I succumbed to hunger or dehydration
or I got trampled.

Excluding that, I’ll fill you in on any exciting details
from the weekend next week!

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“To promote the use of clean energy, a Swiss adventurist is
going to fly around the world in a solar-powered airplane.
He’s just praying that nothing bad will happen…like night.”
-Jimmy Fallon

***

“When I’m driving here I see a sign that says, CAUTION: SMALL
CHILDREN PLAYING. I slow down, and then it occurs to me, I’m
not afraid of small children.” –Jonathan Katz

***

“Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a
penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far
didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was
grounded.” –Tim Allen

———————————————————————————————–
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———————————————————————————————–

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at an academic function,
and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which
the doctor was most at ease. “Would you mind telling me,
Doctor,” she asked, “how you detect a mental deficiency
in somebody who appears completely normal?”

“Nothing is easier,” he replied. “You ask a simple question
which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person
hesitates, that puts you on the track.”

“What sort of question?”

“Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made three trips
around the world and died during one of them. Which one?’”

The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous
laugh, “You wouldn’t happen to have another example would
you? I must confess I don’t know much about history.”

*———————- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————–*

I overheard my father telling a family friend about my newly-
assigned mission in the U.S. Coast Guard. I work on a cutter
that escorts all cruise ships and international vessels under
the bridges in California’s Bay Area.

But what my father told his friend was, “She’s involved in
some sort of escort service.”

That doesn’t make it right.

editor — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 13:00:17 +0000

Good morning crew,

Okay folks, I’m off. It’s time for my annual visit to the
parents in Florida. It will be nice to see Mom and Dad
again. And Mom is looking forward to criticizing me for
visiting her so rarely (hey, she’s the one who moved 1,200
miles away).

But I don’t want to make it sound like all she does is
criticize me for never visiting, she also spends a lot of
time criticizing me for not being married.

I’m kidding, of course! Not that Mom will every have the
opportunity to be offended. She’s never used a computer
in her life. But that doesn’t make it right for me to poke
fun at her! Sorry Mom.

I’ll be back next week. Enjoy your weekend!

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“And there was a big rally on Wall Street yesterday after
Citigroup reported a profit for the first two months of
the year. That just goes to show you what determination,
hard work, and 45 billion of our bailout dollars can do.”
–Jay Leno

***

“Scientists in Japan have developed an umbrella that has
Internet access and allows users to search the Internet
while they walk. An electronic device that you carry in a
rain storm. What could possibly go wrong?” -Conan O’Brien

***

“More Americans can name the three stooges than the three
branches of government. Well, that’s because the three
stooges are more likely to get something done.”
-David Letterman

———————————————————————————————-
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These novel pets are obviously not living creatures, but are
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———————————————————————————————-

Enclosed with the heartworm pills my friend received from
a veterinarian was a sheet of red heart stickers to place
on a calendar as a reminder to give her pet the medication.
She attached these stickers to her kitchen calendar, marking
the first Saturday of every month.

When her husband noticed the hearts, he put on a lecherous
grin, turned to his wife and asked, “Do you have something
special in mind for these days?”

*——————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————*

To our shock and horror, my sister-in-law and I realized we
had each been married nearly 50 years. “That’s a long time,”
I observed.

“A long, long time,” she agreed. Then she smiled. “Something
just occurred to me.”

“What’s that?”

“If I had killed your brother the first time I felt like it,
I’d be out of jail by now.”

In case you didn’t notice…

editor — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 13:00:02 +0000

Good morning crew,

I don’t know if anybody noticed but I was off last week.
The die-hard Clean Laffs readers might have noticed that I
sent out a few classic issues from the last couple years.

The year is almost over and I had to take some vacation,
although I really didn’t have any plans. There was a pro-
motion test at the school I was kind of gearing up for,
so it was nice to have the time off for that.

Old Mason and I took the boat out of the water, perhaps
for the very last time if we can manage to sell it.
I took care of a few household chores that I have been
putting off for the last several years, but other than
that it was a very uneventful week. More importantly, it
was a cheap week.

When you’re sitting on your butt in front of the TV you’re
NOT out blowing hundreds of dollars you don’t have on
stupid things you shouldn’t be doing anyway!

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

CLIP HANGER
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This is the best way to hang on to any cell phone, pda or ipod.
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phone. Its thin profile minimizes bulk and won’t poke you or
cause discomfort, even while sitting. It is made from durable
plastic that won’t break, and because it sticks up beyond the
top of your phone, it helps to protect the antenna too.

Other cell phone clips are bulky and stick out too far to be
comfortable. The ClipHanger is very slim and easily hooks on
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***

Two political candidates were having a hot debate. Finally,
one of them jumped up and yelled at the other ,”What about
the powerful interest that controls you?”

And the other guy screamed back, “You leave my wife out of
this!”

——————————————————————————-
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——————————————————————————-

My friend read her son’s horoscope and thought it quite
appropriate. “You’ve spent the last few weeks looking for
escape,” it said. “But now it’s time to get on with your
life.”

She had just given birth to him that morning.

*———————- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————–*

Writing: For the Sell of It was the theme of our community
college’s annual writers’ conference. When I called a widely
published author and asked him to be our keynote speaker,
my request was met with a long silence. He finally said, “I
don’t know what I would say to that audience.”

“You’re just being modest,” I replied. “I’m sure you’re ex-
tremely qualified to speak on that subject.”

He suddenly broke into laughter. “I thought you said,
‘Writing for the Celibate!’”

I like to live on the edge.

editor — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 13:00:04 +0000

Good morning crew,

Hey! Remember last week when I said I needed a vacation?
Well, I took my own advice. I’m actually on vacation right
now. While you’re reading this I’m probably sleeping in.
I’ll have a late breakfast, maybe read or watch television
for a few hours. If I am feeling very industrious I may do
a chore or two.

Then I’ll saunter over to the gym, have a good, long work-
out. Afterward I’ll have a late dinner and maybe a couple
drinks. And then SimCity 4 for the rest of the night.

Yeah, I like to live on the edge. Enjoy your Monday!

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

MEMORY FOAM INSOLES
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You’ll feel like walking on air with these specially designed
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Benefits:
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- Excellent for people with foot conditions seeking added comfort
- Molds to your foot
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- Prevents heel shock by cushioning your every step
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- Increases stability by cradling your foot & preventing foot roll
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***

Our parish priest was making a visit to my nephew’s home.
He knocked on the door, and the little 4-year-old boy went
to the door and way the priest.

He called to his dad, “Hey, Dad! That guy that works for
God is here!”

***

“They are now reporting that the Grand Canyon is having a
financial crisis. They say there might not be enough money to
keep it going. How did the Grand Canyon make it this far?”
–Jay Leno

***

“What they put women through today when they’re having a baby!
They don’t want to medicate them, as compared to previous
generations. When my mom had me, she had so much medication,
she didn’t wake up till I was seven.” –Dennis Wolfberg

————————————————————————————————
GLACIER SUNGLASSES by Dakota

Dakota Retail Price: $69.99
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The Glacier name says it all… you’ll look oh so cool
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GLACIER SUNGLASSES by Dakota
————————————————————————————————

Back at my high school for the tenth reunion, I met my old
coach. Walking through the gym, we came upon a plaque on
which I was still listed as the record holder for the
longest softball throw.

Noticing my surprise, the coach said, “That record will
stand forever.”

I was about to make some modest disclaimer that records
exist to be broken, when he added, “We stopped holding that
event years ago.”

*——————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————*

A large truck was tailing my son as he drove through town
with his girlfriend. The truck matched them turn for turn,
down every street.

My son’s concern grew to alarm when the menacing-looking
driver pulled next to him at a light, leaned out his window,
and glared into his car. After a long, hard stare, the man
grinned and called to my son, “Sorry, kid, I thought that
was my daughter.”