Clean Laffs

Posts Tagged ‘Thanksgiving’

This should make us glad to be Americans.

November 26th, 2008

Good morning crew,

Here it is…the day before the big day. Right now hundreds
of millions of Americans are gearing up for the meal of the
year. Oh, sure, other holidays include incredible meals, but
no other holiday on the American calendar revolves around
a meal as its central feature. If for no other reason this
should make us all glad to be Americans.

I’ll clue you in to one of my favorite parts about this
holiday. Pumpkin pie. Especially with lots of whipped cream.
But even without the whipped cream, I still love pumpkin pie.
I’ll even put sweet potato pie at a close second, neither of
which you seem to find very often any other time of the year.

I love turkey, certainly, with a big mountain of mashed
potatoes drenched in a pool of thick, mushroom gravy which
forms a pool around the turkey slices and adds a nice counter-
point to the cornbread and sausage stuffing. I love the cold
sweetness of the cranberry sauce and the golden sweetcorn
slathered in melted butter. I love the creamy greenbean
casserole with those crunchy, toasted onions on the top, and
tureens brimming with mixed vegetables and honey-glazed
carrots.

But the meal just wouldn’t be the same without a large,
nearly 90 degree wedge of pumpkin pie. And I’ll let you in
on a secret, too. Nothing goes better with pumpkin pie than
a nice, semi-sweet sparkling wine. That’s the good stuff,
right there.

No issue on Thursday!

Because of the holiday I won’t be publishing Clean Laffs on
Thursday. Hopefully, by Friday morning I will be recovered
enough to put more than two sentences together.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“The auto companies in the United States are scrambling to
come up with a plan. This week Ford unveiled a new hybrid,
the Ford Fusion, which will get almost 40 miles to the
gallon. When asked how much it would cost, a spokesman for
Ford said, ‘$25 billion dollars.’” -Conan O’Brien

***

“According to a new study, ladies and gentlemen, you can
improve your memory by watching less TV, doing crossword
puzzles, eating more fish – I can’t remember all that.”
–Dave Letterman

***

“There’s a fair going on in Vienna. A divorce fair. What
would the rides there be? Half of the Haunted Mansion. I
need some Space Mountain.” -Craig Ferguson

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My girlfriend and I were picking up some sandwiches from the
sub place last week and she asked the clerk which of two
sandwiches was better.

The clerk didn’t have an opinion but did say that the first
sandwich was more expensive. My girlfriend got a quizzical
look on her face and asked, “If that’s the case, why are
they both listed with the same price on the menu?”

To this, the clerk responded, “I don’t think we add tax to
the turkey.”

*——————- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ——————–*

My daughter married a former Marine who now works for United
Parcel Service. They bought their four-year-old son two
stuffed bears — one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine
garb. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out
a picture of himself in full Marine dress. “See, Connor?” he
explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear.
“That’s Daddy.”

Connor’s eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked
in a puzzled voice, “You used to be a bear?”