Clean Laffs

Posts Tagged ‘Solstice’

The best condition I can muster.

June 19th, 2009

Good morning crew,

I need to be abstemious this weekend because the black belt
endurance test is Monday night and I need to be in the best
condition I can muster. Well, the best condition I can muster
in three days, anyway.

It’s going to be tough, too. I have a date to go to dinner
and then a comedy club Saturday night. And, of course, there
are all the solstice parties on Sunday!

If you have any big plans for the summer you had better get
started. Summer starts Sunday!

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“One time we were driving through a construction zone and the
sign said, SPEED LIMIT 35 AHEAD. And there were four of us in
the car. We were through there in no time.” –Geechy Guy

***

Ever notice how it’s a penny for your thoughts, yet you put
in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal.
–Steven Wright

***

“How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue
and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where
does the glue go?” –Rita Rudner

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An old man strode in to his doctors office and said, “Doc,
my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and
to check the prescription you’ve been giving to Mrs. Smith.”

“Oh, he did, did he?” the doctor shot back. “And since when
does a druggist second guess a doctor’s orders?”

The old man says, “Since he found out I’ve been on birth
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*———————- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————–*

Jimmy: ‘Hey, Mike! How’s your new pet fish doing? You told
me he was really something special.’

Mike: ‘To tell the truth, I’m really disappointed in him.
The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing
like a bird.’

Jimmy: ‘What? Let me get this straight… You bought a fish
because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?’

Mike: ‘Well, yeah. After all, you know, he’s a parrot fish.’

Jimmy: ‘Now listen, Mike, while you might be able to teach
a parrot to sing, you’re never going to get anywhere with a
parrot fish.’

Mike: ‘That’s what you think! It just so happens this fish
CAN sing. The thing is, he’s terribly off-key and it’s
driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?’