Clean Laffs » SimCity 4

It was still a nice thought.

editor — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 13:00:11 +0000

Good morning crew,

Vindication! Or at least compensation. My date for the
wedding last week felt bad about almost poking my eyeball
right out of my head, so she bought me a copy of SimCity 4
as a subtle bribe to forget the whole thing and stop
telling people at the school that she is a vicious head-
hunter.

Unfortunately, now I am going to have to spend huge amounts
of time playing it, but it was still a nice thought on her
part.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“At the end of our first date the girl told me I was crazy
in the head and I should be committed to a mental institu-
tion. Why do women always want us to make a commitment?”
-Unknown

***

“When you get married and have a kid, you can’t do all
those things you wanted to do as a young existentialist
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***

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You have probably heard about the lawsuit over a spilled cup
of coffee. However, there are many other silly lawsuits
involving products that have received far less attention.
For example:

A prescription of sleeping pills says,
“Warning: May cause drowsiness

A container of underarm deodorant says,
“Caution: Do not spray in eyes”

A cartridge for a laser printer warns: “Do not eat toner”

A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard
warns:
“Do not drive with sunshield in place”

A Bathroom Heater says:
“This product is not to be used in bathrooms”

A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users:
“May irritate eyes”

A popular manufactured fireplace log warns:
“Caution – Risk of Fire”

A box of birthday cake candles says: “DO NOT use soft wax
as ear plugs or for any other function that involves in-
sertion into a body cavity.

*————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes —————*

Nothing rattles my father-in-law, especially when the St.
Louis Cardinals are on TV.

One day we were watching a game, when my mother-in-law
shrieked from the kitchen, “Jim, there’s a horsefly in
here!”

Not taking his eyes off the screen, he barked back,”Give
it some cough syrup.”

*************************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

A little petty larceny.

editor — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 12:50:44 +0000

Good morning crew,

Wow. The wedding was so much effort I feel like I was the
one getting married, and I wasn’t even the one doing all
the work. I can’t imagine what old Mason must have gone
through over the last couple of months.

But it’s over now, and do you know where that sucker is
going on his honeymoon? Hawaii!

There are compensations for me, though (other than the
free food and the free booze at the reception). I swiped
his copy of SimCity 4 out of his apartment when I left
last weekend.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“According to a Cosmo poll, 13 percent of all men admit they
have tried on a bra. The sad part, 43 percent of American
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***

“Gas prices are crazy. It’s getting so bad that the Amish are
now complaining.” -David Letterman

***

“‘Harry Potter’ author J.K. Rowling says she might not stop
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adult. When asked why she said, ‘There’s still money in the
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On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and noted
several historical points of interest. The children were
especially interested because they enjoyed the computer game
“Oregon Trail,” which gives players a taste of the hardships
the pioneers endured. We stopped at the famous South Pass to
look at the wagon tracks still visible in the dirt.

Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my
daughter nodded and said grimly, “This is where my oxen
always die.”

*————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes —————*

Blonde: Mmmm, it smells so good in here! Doesn’t it smell
good in here? I love it! I just want to eat what’s in my
nose right now!

Friend: I know!