Clean Laffs » Shopping

It’s always easier when you have money.

editor — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 13:00:56 +0000

Good morning crew,

Hot puppies! Payday! Pretty soon I may have to break down
and do a little Christmas shopping and that’s always easier
when you have money.

Otherwise merchandisers get very reluctant to part with
their goods. And then you’d better be either a fast runner
or a fast talker.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

EZ TOWEL – You’ve NEVER Seen Anything Like It…

Retail Price: $12.99
DEAL PRICE: $6.99
Get Two for $12.98

I don’t know if I can truly explain this item well enough.
So I’m going to tell you, you simply must click on the link
to see the video about it.

EZ Towel is a compacted towel, about the size of 5 stacked
nickels in its original form. All you do is add water and
watch it grow. Simply unroll the EZ Towel and use it as you
wish. Opened up, the EZ Towel is 8 1/2″ X 9 1/2″, a full
sized towel!

Each bag of EZ Towels contains 50 towels. Unlike paper towels,
EZ Towels are durable, soft and absorbable. One EZ Towel does
the work of over 10 paper napkins! It is made of 100% Rayon
and is bio-degradable. Great For home, office, restaurants,
school, daycare, camping, fishing and more.

BONUS: Each bag comes with a FREE carrying tube!

This is one item that EVERYONE WILL LOVE. Just buy a bag and
see how fast everyone wants a few of them. Get one bag of 50
EZ Towels with bonus carrying tube for $6.99 or get two (2) bags
with the bonus for $12.98. To see this or order, visit:
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/l77uc4
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/l77uc4“>
EZ TOWEL – You’ve NEVER Seen Anything Like It…

***

“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut after-
wards.” –Benjamin Franklin

***

“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds
to be.” –Abraham Lincoln

***

“You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy
out. That’s a good-looking mummy!”
-Bill Clinton, looking at ‘Juanita,’ a newly discovered
Incan mummy.

[It's nice to know there is still dignity in the white House.]

———————————————————————————————-
GENUINE LEATHER MEN’S TRIFOLD WALLET

Normal Price: $19.99
DEAL PRICE: $5.99, get two wallets for just $7.98…

Loaded with features…. Open it up and you won’t believe all
the space in this compact area. It has two (2) currency
sections, two (2) window ID’s & six (6) leather credit card
slots., six (6) clear credit card slots, one (1) hidden pouch
great for a key! There’s a spot for everything…

The Marshal motto of, Sure, Pure & Perfect is never more true
than with this classic black wallet. It’s a wallet that demands
attention!

What may be the biggest surprise is the price we have… through
a special buy, we are able to offer this quality wallet for less
than cost. In fact you can get three (3) wallets for less than
the normal price of one.

To see a picture of it (or the Classic Bifold Style), visit:
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/dp0wi2
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/dp0wi2“>
GENUINE LEATHER MEN’S TRIFOLD WALLET
———————————————————————————————-

I learned a lesson in marketing from a man who bought an old
boat, a trailer and a motor from me. “Thanks,” he said as he
loaded them up. “I’m planning to resell them.”

Good luck, I thought. I had been trying to get rid of them
for months. But when I ran into him a few weeks later, he’d
sold everything.

“How did you manage that?” I marveled.

“I took out an ad: ‘Heavy-duty boat trailer with free boat.’
When the buyer came to get it, I asked if he had a motor.
He said no. I told him I happened to have one in my garage.
Bought that, too.”

*——————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————*

A little boy walked up to the librarian to check out a book
entitled “COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE FOR MOTHERS.”

When the librarian asked him if it was for his mother, he
answered ‘no.’

“Then why are you checking it out?”

“Because,” said the little boy confidently, “I just started
collecting moths last week!”

***********************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

That pizza is starting to look good.

editor — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 13:00:25 +0000

Good morning crew,

Shopping time. I have this bad habit of consuming every
available calorie in the apartment before going to the store
for groceries. All I have left right now is a couple slices
of eight day-old pizza that has fur on it, mayonnaise,
mustard, a few bottles of beer and an empty jar of pickle
relish that still has some juice in it.

And that pizza is starting to look good.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

CelebSLIM (30 Day Supply)
Just One Pill A Day… To Be Celebrity Slim

Retail Price: $49.99
DEAL PRICE: $19.99

Let’s face it most diets fail. Is what you are currently doing,
working for you? Are you ready for your next big change?

Grab a bottle of CelebSLIM Extra Strength and within two weeks
you will notice a difference… we promise!

If after just two weeks you don’t:
1. Lose weight 2. Feel Better 3. AND Have Less Cravings

(not just one but if you don’t experience ALL THREE), then return
the unused portion for a full refund of the 30 day supply.

For years Celebrities have been paying almost $50 a bottle for
this secret formula that works!

What Does CelebSLIM do?:
- Suppresses Your Appetite…
- Curbs Your Cravings…
- Boosts Your Metabolism, without drugs…

Plus there is… No Caffeine! No Ephedra! No Jitters…

BEST OF ALL, Take only 1 pill a day to be CelebSLIM…
Grab a 30 day bottle… you have nothing to lose but weight…
Visit: http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/3s41e7
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/3s41e7“>
Just One Pill A Day… To Be Celebrity Slim

***

“Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different
names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said – ‘Sticks
and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me’,
and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all
the way.” –Harry Hill

***

“Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking
about myself. It’s kind of like being the guy on a date.”
–Caroline Rhea

***

As a child my mother would always tell me not to sit so
close to the TV, that it was bad for my eyes. Now, as an
adult I spend 8+ hours a day within 2 feet of a computer
screen.

———————————————————————————————-
SUPER SIZE SHAMMIE
Made In Germany, Don’t Be Fooled By Others…

Retail Price: $9.99
DEAL PRICE: $2.99
Get two for $4.98

Now is the time to get this FULL SIZED SHAMMIE for just $2.99.
Made in Germany don’t be fooled by others on the market that
just don’t do the job AND are more than triple the price!

Like on TV, this Super Size Shammie Absorbs 50% than natural
chamois. It’s extra large size of 27 x 17 can be cut in half
for smaller jobs. Durable enough for just about any task, but
soft and gentle enough for use on any surface.

It’s the PERFECT cleaning cloth and has hundreds of household
uses: floors, countertops, appliances, furniture windows, pets
and more. Perfect for washing car or boat, too!. Like on TV,
this soft, absorbent and non-abrasive cloth is 100% polyester
and will not scratch or damage any surface. Best of all… it’s
reusable! Just machine washable… but do not tumble dry.
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/9u1617
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/9u1617“>
SUPER SIZE SHAMMIE – Made In Germany…
———————————————————————————————-

My new girlfriend, Karen, got a job at a local hardware
store. “The owner doesn’t want us hanging out with our
friends,” she said. “If you stop by, tell them you’re my
brother.”

On my first visit I walked to the customer service desk
and asked the older woman there, “Is Karen around?” When
she looked at me quizzically, I added, “I’m her brother.”

She smiled. “What a nice surprise. I’m Karen’s mother.”

*——————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————*

When she got flowers from her husband on Valentine’s Day,
my daughter’s friend quickly opened the card. All it said
was “No.” What did that mean?

She called her husband, who said, “I didn’t attach any
message. The florist asked if I had a message and I said,
‘No.’”