Clean Laffs

Posts Tagged ‘Scotch’

I do the jokes around here.

January 8th, 2009

Good morning crew,

     Hey, Joe: before you complain about people only
   buying you scotch for Christmas remember this -
   it’s not the gifts that count, but rather the
   spirits in which they’re given. Bottom’s up.
      -harry

Thanks Harry, but I do the jokes around here!

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“The U.S. Army just said that it has managed to increase
recruitment by allowing fatter people to enlist. In fact,
several new recruits have volunteered for a daring raid
on a refrigerator.” -Conan O’Brien

***
“An 18 year-old woman was arrested after spending the past
eight months pretending to be a student at Stanford
university and living in their dorms, even though she was
not enrolled there. She pretended to be a student for eight
months. Hey, that’s nothing. I pretended to be a student
for four years!” -Jay Leno

***

“Barack Obama’s kids started school in a very exclusive
private school in Washington, D.C. Someone got a hold of
the school’s lunch menu for one day, there’s ‘local pump-
kin and sage soup’ and ‘roasted butternut squash.’ While
that may seem like a bit much for 7- and 8-year-old kids,
I was looking over their wine list, and it was very
reasonably priced.” -Jimmy Kimmel

———————————————————————————————-
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———————————————————————————————-

My husband, Mike, and I had several stressful months of
financial difficulties. So one evening I was touched to
see him gazing at the diamond wedding ring that symbolized
our marriage. “With this ring…” I began romantically.

“We could pay off the Visa,” he responded.

*——————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————*

Bob hadn’t been to a class reunion in decades. When he walked
into this latest one, he thought he recognized a woman over
in the corner, so he approached her and extended his hand in
greeting, saying, “You look like Helen Brown.”

“Well,” the woman snapped back, “you don’t look so great in
blue, either!”