Clean Laffs

Posts Tagged ‘Payday’

I’ll be swimming in disposable cash.

August 14th, 2009

Good morning crew,

Today’s payday, baby. Ka-ching! All I have to do is make
a truck payment, a boat payment, an insurance payment, a
credit card payment and a utility payment…and then I’ll
be swimming in, oh, upwards of fifty bucks in cold, hard
disposable cash. The first round’s on me!

Then tomorrow is the company picnic, which means I’ll have
to stop at the store and pick up a snack or dessert or
something to bring. On second thought, I don’t think I’ll
buy that first round.

I’ll let you know if anything exciting happens next week.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“Not many people know this, but the word barbeque is
actually a Norwegian word that means ‘I love you.’ That’s
not true, but if it were true, wouldn’t it be awesome?”
-Craig Ferguson

***

“Nissan announced that they’ve developed a new car that
gets 367 miles per gallon. It’s called the Nissan Fred
Flintstone.” -Conan O’Brien

***

“In Florida an 87-year-old grandmother was bitten by a
rattlesnake. Then she killed the snake with her bare hands.
Even PETA said, ‘Make yourself a belt out of it, lady!’”
–Jimmy Fallon

————————————————————————————-
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Anyone who’s ever ridden in a cab in Rome, Italy, knows
they’re some of the world’s most brazen drivers. Oddly
enough though, their current accident rate isn’t all that
bad. I asked one of the drivers one day the reason for that.

“Easy,” he said. “All the bad drivers are dead.”

*——————- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ——————–*

The little boy’s grandfather had taken him for a trip to the
zoo and an ice cream. When he came home his mother asked,
“Did you thank your grandfather for taking you to the zoo and
buying you ice cream?”

The boy didn’t answer.

She asked again, “I said, did you thank Granddad for taking
you to the zoo and buying you ice cream?”

Still no answer.

“You answer me, young man! DID YOU THANK YOUR GRANDFATHER?!?”

“Yes,” the boy said at last.

“Well, why didn’t you say so?”

“Because he told me not to mention it!’”