Clean Laffs

Posts Tagged ‘Napoleon Dynamite’

Movie lines just don’t work.

December 9th, 2008

Good morning crew,

The movie “Napoleon Dynamite” was on cable this weekend.
I thought that movie was so clever that some of its charm
might work for me.

So I was in the bar the other night and I walked up to a
girl drinking a beer.

“Hi,” I said. “I see you’re drinking lite beer. Is that
because you think you’re fat? ‘Cause you’re not. You could
be drinking regular beer if you wanted.”

It turns out she never saw the movie. Fortunately, beer
doesn’t stain.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“The greater a man is in power above others, the more he
ought to excel them in virtue. None ought to govern who is
not better than the governed.” –Publius Syrus

***

“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will
teach you to keep your mouth shut.” –Darius Denning

***

“This is not art to me, all these squares and things. Real
art has, you know, like a madonna in it.”
–Unknown (from a guest book at an exhibition of modern art)

———————————————————————————————-
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———————————————————————————————-

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when
the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the
back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not
complete the transaction unless the card was signed.

When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to
compare the signature on the credit card with the signature
I just signed on the receipt.

So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully
compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt.
Luckily, they matched.

*——————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————*

An employee of USAir by the name of James Gay boarded a US
Air flight with a free travel voucher. Soon after he sat
down, someone else came and claimed he had the same seat
assignment, so Mr. Gay moved down do an empty seat.

Soon after that the airplane began to fill up. The rule with
the US Air employee vouchers is that if a paying customer
needs your seat, you have to surrender it. So when the flight
became completely full and still more needed to get on, a
flight attendant went to the original seat of Mr. Gay and
said to the man now sitting there, “Excuse me, are you Gay?”

The man, somewhat stunned, said, “Well, yes, as a matter of
fact I am.”

The flight attendant said, “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to get
off the plane.”

At this point Mr. Gay, who had been watching all of this (and
was rather amused) jumped up and said, “Excuse me, you’ve
made a mistake. I’m Gay!”

Finally, another man jumped up and said, “Well, hell, I’m gay
too. They can’t throw us all off!”