Clean Laffs

Good morning crew,

I visited a new casino this weekend (new to me, anyway) and
guess what…it’s exactly like every other casino I have
ever been in.

I did however learn a new game. It is called ‘Let It Ride.’
It’s pretty simple, actually. Each player puts up three
chips and then the dealer deals each player three cards and
himself two, face down.

The idea is to make up the best possible poker hand out of
the dealer’s two cards and your three. You need at least a
pair of Jacks to win.

You start by looking at your three cards, and if you don’t
like them you get to pull back your first chip, in other
words you don’t have to bet it.

Then the dealer flips his first card…and if you STILL don’t
like your hand you can pull back your second chip.

The last chip, unfortunately, is non-negotiable, you have to
bet it. However, if by some chance you are dealt a pair of
jacks or better right up front, you can leave all three of
your chips on the table and win on all three.

So, it’s a simple game, but engrossing. I ended up playing
for almost two hours and only at the very end did I finally
really start losing, which prompted me to get up and cut my
losses.

And if you’re thinking to yourself, ‘How can that bum have
money to gamble with when he’s always complaining about
being broke?’ Let’s just say that a clever and determined
enough person can always come up with a little extra money
for something important…like cards.

And if Mason is reading this issue…I’m not going to have
my half of the boat payment this month.

Laugh it up,

Joe 

                            ***

DIGGI-BANK: The Digital Coin Bank Plus More
Enjoy Watching Your Money Grow…

Retail Price: $39.99
DEAL PRICE: $24.99
Get two for $39.98

Here’s one of those items that everyone loves and everyone
wants. It’s the Diggi-Bank w/ Alarm Clock & FM Radio.

This very cool item keeps a running count of the change you
put in it. Deposit a quarter, dime and nickel and the LCD
display will tell you have 40 cents. The next time you
deposit money in it, it will automatically add it on to the
previous balance. So now you know EXACTLY how much is in your
rainy day piggy bank.

What sets this item apart from anything else in the market is
the fact that it is an alarm clock and FM radio. Plus you get
all these extra features for the same price you would pay for
just the bank. What’s more, you’ll save even more if you buy
more than one bank… and let me tell you, these make
EXCELLENT GIFTS. Get one for $24.99 or get two for $39.98,
that’s less than the normal retail price of one.
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/643508
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/643508“>
DIGGI-BANK: The Digital Coin Bank Plus More</a>

                            ***

“Last night’s vice presidential debate between Joe Biden
and Sarah Palin drew much higher ratings than the pres-
idential debate. Biden attracted viewers who enjoyed his
previous debate appearances, and Palin attracted viewers
who enjoyed the movie ‘Fargo.’” -Conan O’Brien

                            ***

“Exciting news from the Norwegian University of Science and
Technology. The Norwegians released a study today that says
having a sense of humor can help people live longer. In other
words, if you don’t laugh at this monologue tonight, you’re
going to die.” -Jimmy Kimmel

                            ***

“I tried to make money as a kid. I had a lemonade stand for
about six weeks. I made no money. I had to burn it down and
collect insurance.” –Brian Kiley

————————————————————
Glow In The Dark Stair Guides (Set of 6)

Retail Price: $19.99
OUR PRICE: $12.99

Absorbs both Sun AND Electrical Light for improved night
visibility…. Inside our Outside!

Use indoors or out… these Glow in the Dark Stair Guides
absorb both sun and electrical light-to avoid tripping and
slipping. No electricity, batteries or dangerous cords needed!.
Simply attach with double-sided adhesive tape (included) to wood,
brick, and cement steps. Made of durable Polystyrene it will hold
up to almost any element. Each stair guide is: 8″ x 1″ x 1″

Save even more when you buy two sets or more.
Order one (1 set of 6) for just $12.99
SAVE $6.00 and get two sets (12 in all) for $19.98
SAVE $9.00 and get three sets (18 in all ) for $29.97
SAVE $12.00 and get four sets (24 in all) for $39.96

At these affordable prices you can add them to your whole house.
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/qk12p4
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/qk12p4“>
Glow In The Dark Stair Guides (Set of 6)</a>
————————————————————

My wife and I arrived late to a crowded religious convention
where there was standing room only. We noticed some people
get up to leave, and after they hadn’t returned for several
minutes, we took their seats. The woman next to us insisted
that the chairs were taken. I assured her that we’d be glad
to move if the people came back.

Moments later we sang a hymn, and at its conclusion the music
director asked all of us to turn to our neighbors and say
that we loved them. The woman at my side faced me and said,
“I love you, but those seats are still taken.”

*————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes —————*

A friend of mine had just become a district court judge and
was nervous about presiding impartially over his first
criminal trial. As a former prosecutor, he could see the
preponderance of evidence was clearly against the defendant.
The proceedings went smoothly, until it was time for him to
instruct the jury. “The jury,” he said, “is to convene to
the guilty room.”

************************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS 
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.