Clean Laffs

Posts Tagged ‘Lazy’

I am industriously available.

August 19th, 2009

Good morning crew,

Wow. Wednesday and I haven’t accomplished anything this
week. Some people would call me lazy, but I like to think
of myself as industriously available. I think I need to
buy a house just so I have a lawn to keep me preoccupied.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many
things, and I have succeeded fairly well.” –Robert Benchley

***

“Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we
need are ovations where the audience members all punch and
kick one another.” –George Carlin

***

“There’s a huge hole in the whole Flood drama, because any-
thing that could float or swim got away scot-free, and it
was the idea to wipe out everything, He didn’t say, “I will
kill everything, except the floating ones and the swimming
ones, who will get out due to a loophole.” –Eddie Izzard

————————————————————————————-
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————————————————————————————-

A judge scowled down at a repeat offender before him.
“Didn’t I tell you the last time you were in my court room
that I never wanted to see you in here again?”

“Yes, Your Honor,” the defendant replied. “That’s exactly
what I told the police officer, but he insisted I come in
anyway!”

*—————— Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ——————-*

As a jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot
was providing his passengers with a running commentary about
landmarks over the PA system.

“Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater,
which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It
was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet
in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth
50,000 years ago at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering
white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole
measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep.”

The lady sitting next to me exclaimed: “Wow, look! It just
missed the highway!”