Clean Laffs

Good morning crew,

I knew, on Sunday, that I should not jump into the ice cold,
E coli infested lake water, but it was hot and sunny and I
figured I was healthy enough to survive it unscathed.

I was wrong.

For the last couple of days I’ve had a bad infection of some-
thing in my upper-respiratory system, so I am going to go
home early and dunk my head in a tub of boiling water. There
are only a few weekends of summer left and I don’t want to
spend a single one of them sick!

Laugh it up,

Joe 

                            ***

APPLE CIDER VINEGAR PILLS

Normal Price: $9.99
DEAL PRICE: $2.99 per bottle

The #1 ALL NATURAL Diet Product For The Last 50 Years
WILL Help YOU Lose Weight….

The best-selling and most proven All Natural diet aid
available. For the last 50 years hundreds of thousands
of people have successfully lost weight with Apple Cider
Vinegar….

Now you can get this Amazing supplement in an easy and
convenient tablet form. No more bad tasting liquids. And
its even more concentrated in the tablet form. Plus, it
is guaranteed to work for you. If you don’t lose the weight
you want with Amazing Apple Cider Vinegar just return it
for a refund. It’s JUST $2.99 for 60 Tablets. Visit:
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/ti4p52
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/ti4p52“>
APPLE CIDER VINEGAR PILLS</a>

                            ***

“I used to be an airline pilot.  I got fired because I kept
locking the keys in the plane.  They caught me on a 20-foot
extension ladder with a coathanger.” -Steven Wright

                            ***

“Some things just aren’t funny. Beatings aren’t funny. Mimes
aren’t funny. But beating a mime - why is that so hilarious?”
 – Dave Attell

                            ***

“There’s a statistical theory that if you gave a million
monkeys typewriters and set them to work, they’d eventually
come up with the complete works of Shakespeare. Thanks to
the Internet, we now know this isn’t true.” –Ian Hart

————————————————————
GENUINE RUBY NECKLACE (Only 258 left…)

Normal Retail:$29.99
LIQUIDATION: 99 Cents

This stunning Genuine Ruby Pendant Necklace is perfect
for everyday wear or a night out on the town.

The exquisite cut and setting of the gem will accent any
outfit and create a sparkling spectacle. Included is a
beautiful gold tone 18″ necklace. Grab one or two… up
to eight (sorry that’s the limit) of this spectacular
Genuine Ruby necklace while stock is available. At only
99 CENTS, it’s an offer, you can’t refuse. VISIT:
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/gt2ls5
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/gt2ls5“>
Genuine Ruby Pendant Necklace JUST 99 CENTS</a>
————————————————————

Real Signs and advertisements…

Signs In a clothing store:
“Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.”

In the window of an Oregon general store:
“Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?”

In a Pennsylvania cemetary:
“Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but
their own graves.”

On a Tennessee highway:
“Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is
impassable.”

From the safety information card in America WestAirline seat
pocket:
“If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this
card, please tell a crew member.”

On a Maine shop:
“Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible
prices and workmanship.”

On a delicatessen wall:
“Our best is none too good.”

*————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes —————*

A motorcycle enthusiast complained that he couldn’t decide
whether to buy a bike with high top speed and poor acceler-
ation, or one with lots of torque and fast acceleration,
but a poor top speed. Eventually he decided on the second
one, because it cost a lot less. After all, torque is chaep!

************************************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS 
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.