Clean Laffs

Posts Tagged ‘Lake Geneva’

40 mph was more than fast enough.

July 31st, 2009

Good morning crew,

Other than stuffing our faces at the most expensive
restaurants in town and spending way too much time in the
bars we did get to enjoy the lake a little bit. And since
we didn’t have a sailboat we had to opt for Waverunners!

A Waverunner is sort of like a jet ski that you sit down
on…and it’s designed for two (or if you’re skinny, three)
people. But that doesn’t mean the sucker won’t fly!

It tops out around 40 miles-per-hour (on the water, mind
you!) and would certainly do more with only one person on
board.

We had two and 40 miles-per-hour was more than enough. At
40 mph the Waverunner will literally shoot off the crest
of a wave like it was a ramp…giving the riders a second
or two of heart pounding air-time.

But when it’s not literally flying through the air it pounds
through the waves like a jackhammer. Now remember, there are
two people straddling a very hard plastic seat while all of
this jackhammering is taking place.

We were too terrified to notice it while we were out on the
water, but walking down the street (back to the bar) after
getting off the thing I noticed a very distinct pain in my
groinal region. I glanced at the gf and noticed her walking
a little bow-legged as well.

Well, it was nothing that a few margaritas couldn’t cure.
Plus, if you’re going to have fun you have to pay for it.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“This fall, a team of scientists will shoot lasers at Mt.
Rushmore to create a three-dimensional model. If the lasers
are effective, Teddy Roosevelt will no longer need glasses.”
-Conan O’Brien

***

“Elsewhere in the news, a Swedish company was fined today
after one of their assembly robots attacked a human worker.
And so it begins…” -Craig Ferguson

***

“Big political scandal in New Jersey. This one was a little
different — political and religious. A lot of rabbis got
together and were selling human organs. Here’s a word of
warning: Be careful if you are offered a kidney that fell
off of a truck.” -David Letterman

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I was leaving for a two-day conference, and my seven-year-
old daughter, Katherine, was becoming overly clinging and
teary.

I was mystified at her emotional reaction until I heard
her say to my husband, “Daddy, I have a loose tooth. If it
falls out while Mommy is gone, do you know how to handle
this tooth fairy thing?”

*—————— Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ——————-*

I was in a department store dressing room when I overheard a
woman in the next booth make disparaging remarks about the
clothes she was trying on. Finally, an attendant knocked on
her door and asked if there was a specific color or style she
could get for her.

“I need a dress for my class reunion,” the woman answered.
“I don’t care what color or style, as long as it makes me
look twenty pounds lighter and ten years younger.”

From another dressing room I heard a woman call out, “Make
that two.”