Clean Laffs

Posts Tagged ‘Jokes’

Another successful company picnic.

August 18th, 2009

Good morning crew,

It was another successful company picnic, for the most part.
It seems to have gotten smaller over the last few years.
Five years ago there was such a crowd of people I couldn’t
even say hello to everyone who was there. This year we
probably didn’t even have fifty people…kids included.

I guess people are getting busier. The food was still good.
The last couple of years TZ has finally gotten away from
making frozen burgers which turned into little meat torches
as soon as they touched the grill.

He (and his wife) actually made the burgers themselves which
turned out very well. He tends to overcook in my opinion,
but not everybody likes a pink burger, so I guess he’s just
catering to the lowest common denominator.

And there was a great variety of side dishes…a lot of which
people made (I bought some Hawaiian bread and spinach dip…
I wasn’t feeling very industrious). And to top it all off we
were able to get in about four games of volleyball which I
really enjoyed.

I even got to spike the ball onto a little kid’s head. Now
that’s a good picnic.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“Here’s to woman! Would that we could fall into her arms
without falling into her hands.” –Ambrose Bierce

***

“Most people are unwilling to sell their souls; but they
usually aren’t opposed to renting them out for an hour or
two.”

***

“The only thing that stops God from sending another flood
is that the first one was useless.”
–Nicholas Chamfort (1741-1794)

————————————————————————————-
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————————————————————————————-

A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical problem.
After the visit the man asks, “How much do I owe you?”

“My fee is five hundred dollars,” replies the physician.

“Five hundred dollars? That’s impossible. No one charges that
much!”

“In your case,” the doctor replies, “I suppose I could adjust
my fee to three hundred.”

“Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous.”

“Well, then, could you afford two hundred?”

“Who has that kind of money?”

“Look, replies the doctor,” growing irritated, “Just give me
a hundred and get out of my office, okay?”

“I can give you fifty,” says the man. “Take it or leave it.”

“I don’t understand you,” says the doctor. “Why did you come
to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have no
money?”

“Listen, Doctor,” says the patient, “When it comes to my
health, nothing is too expensive!”

*—————— Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ——————-*

A worker in the reference department of the Library of
Congress received a call asking the meaning of the phrase
“without recourse.” He consulted a legal dictionary and
furnished this definition, “Said of a signer of a document
when he takes no responsibility for the face of the
document.”

“Thank you,” said the voice at the other end of the wire.
“I have an autographed photograph of Coolidge. It’s signed,
“Without recourse, Calvin Coolidge.”