Clean Laffs

Good morning crew,

You know, last year at the Ren Faire I was derided so badly
for dressing “in character” that I decided to forego the
period attire this year and just go in shorts and a shirt.

And that kept everyone from making fun of me, of course,
until I broke down and dropped some major coin on a pair
of hand-made boots.

You can only imagine how cool I looked walking around the
rest of the day in shorts and boots.

Laugh it up,

Joe 

                            ***

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                            ***

“The highlight of my baseball career came in Philadelphia’s
Connie Mack Stadium when I saw a fan fall out of the upper
deck. When he got up and walked away the crowd booed.”
 –Bob Uecker

                            ***

“Here’s what caught my eye today: A Tennessee minister was
arrested for being drunk, high, and for wearing a skirt.
Why is that illegal? Where I am from in Scotland, if you
see a guy drunk, stoned out of his mind, and wearing a
skirt, you say, ‘Good morning, Grandpa!’” -Craig Ferguson

                            ***

“A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is
one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conver-
sationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.”
 -Lisa Kirk

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————————————————————

I learned a lesson in marketing from a man who bought an old
boat, a trailer and a motor from me. “Thanks,” he said as he
loaded them up. “I’m planning to resell them.”

Good luck, I thought. I had been trying to get rid of them
for months. But when I ran into him a few weeks later, he’d
sold everything.

“How did you manage that?” I marveled.

“I took out an ad: ‘Heavy-duty boat trailer with free boat.’
When the buyer came to get it, I asked if he had a motor.
He said no. I told him I happened to have one in my garage.
Bought that, too.”

*————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes —————*

A fellow and his wife living in Houston, Texas, where the
people are all patriots, were blessed with the birth of
twins, two identical girls. These twins were born on the 4th
of July, and the father, being patriotic, said to his wife,
“We will name them Liberty and Justice, after the pledge of
alligence”.

His wife said, “Are you nuts? You can’t have girls going
through life with names like Liberty and Justice. We are
going to name them regular girl’s names like Mary or Jane”.

Well, the argument went on for about a month, when a compro-
mise was reached. They would each name one of the girls. The
man chose Liberty and the wife picked Elizabeth.

As the girls grew, they were so identical, they kept pulling
tricks on people who couldn’t tell them apart.

Finally, when they were about 18, a young man took interest
in them. He would take one out on a date but he was never
sure which one he was with.

He decided he would marry at least one of them, but he wasn’t
sure which one he would marry.

He went to the girls father and explained his quandry.

“I love your daughters and want to marry one of them, but I
can’t tell them apart, so I will leave it up to you…

Give me Liberty or give me Beth.”

 

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END OF CLEAN LAFFS 
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.