Good morning crew,

       Joe, would you PLEASE teach my husband how to
       quit when he’s ahead?  He has to keep throwing
       it all back, in the hopes of hitting the ‘big
       jackpot,’ until he’s lost every penny.

       Sincerely,
       Broke in Ann Arbor

The trick to gambling…or at least to having fun with
gambling…is to never gamble more than you can afford to
lose. You have to look at it as an entertainment expense.

If you take $500 to the casino hoping to pay your $2,000
mortgage, you’ve already lost!

Laugh it up,

Joe

                            ***

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The Dual Sided Back Scrubber cleans and massages your entire
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                            ***

“Good news for the environment — they’re cleaning up the
Hudson River. It had gotten so bad the salmon had to swim
upstream for their hepatitis shots.” -David Letterman

                            ***

“Oh, the FDA now scolding General Mills for claiming that
Cheerios can lower your cholesterol by 10 percent. They say
that would be considered an unauthorized health claim. The
FDA also said there is no evidence that Lucky Charms are
magically delicious.” –Jay Leno

                            ***

“On Saturday, President Obama went to daughters Malia and
Sasha’s soccer game. He went in Minivan One.” -Jimmy Fallon

———————————————————————————————–
Screaming Biker Monkey
Cute… Cuddly… Loud…

List Price: $14.99
DEAL PRICE: $3.99

By now we’ve probably all seen the flying screaming monkeys.
I have bought two for my cats. My big cat (my friend calls
him Jabba The Cat) loves it. While my little one is petrified
of it. Anway, this too is a screaming monkey, but with three
differences:

1. This is larger a full 14″ long.
2. This doesn’t fly, but can attach to almost anything
3. The Price… It’s less than a third of the price.

But what I think is the cutest is the biker outfit this
monkey wears. Complete with a West Coast Chopper like logo
on the back of cool looking jacket. And the words on the
front of Born To Ride make this a unique gift for the cycle-
riding fan.

A full 14″ in length, don’t get this confused with smaller
screaming monkeys that sell at triple the price!

This bandana-wearing, plush monkey has velcro on its hands
and feet to allow you to attach this to virtually anything.
The best thing? No batteries are needed.

To order a monkey or two, head on over to our site at:
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Screaming Biker Monkey – Cute… Cuddly… Loud…</a>
———————————————————————————————–

Although I have three sons, it was always my daughter who
helped me with chores around the house.

One day we decided to install ceiling fans in the bedrooms.
We thought it would take about an hour, but the task turned
into an all-day job.

“Thanks, Sweetie,” I said gratefully when we were finished.

“No problem,” she replied as she put away the tools. “Just
think of me as the son you never had.”

*———————- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————–*

My son is the manager of a glass and window company and ad-
vertised in the paper for experienced glaziers. Since a good
glass man is hard to find, he was pleased when a man who
called about the job said he had over 10 years of experience.

“Where have you worked as a glazier?” my son asked.

The man replied, “Dunkin’ Donuts.”

************************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS 
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