Clean Laffs » Flat Screen TV

Forty glorious inches.

editor — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 13:00:10 +0000

Good morning crew,

You know what I have planned for this weekend? Hours and
hours of 1,080 lines of vertical resolution on forty inches
of glorious flat screen. I’d better stop on the way home
and buy some beer and chips.

You know what I find amusing? By the time I have this new
TV paid for it will already be obsolete.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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Never before have we seen so much offered at this low a price!

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Your MP3/MP4 Kit Includes:
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- USB Cable

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Today’s Deal of the Day

***

“You know you’re on a die when cat food commercials make you
hungry.” –Andy Bumatai

***

“What’s right is what’s left if you do everything wrong.”
–Robin Williams

***

“I was stopped once for going fifty-three in a thirty-five
mile zone, but I told them I had dyslexia.” –Spanky

———————————————————————————————-
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———————————————————————————————-

I walked into my sister’s kitchen and found my nephew, Mitch,
having a snack.

“Where’s your mother?” I asked.

“She said she was going to have a shower. Just a minute, I’ll
see.”

Mitch went to the kitchen tap and turned the hot water on
full blast.

An sharp yell came from above.

Mitch calmly turned off the tap and said, “Yep, she’s in the
shower.”

*——————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————*

Our son, Steve, was cutting his lawn with a power mower when
it slid down an embankment, lopped off a large chunk of his
tennis shoe and badly nicked the tip of his left toe. Days
later, Steve was at home recuperating on the couch when his
brother-in-law called. “I thought I’d bring over a couple of
videos to help pass the time,” he said.

“Hey, thanks,” said Steve. “What are they?”

“The Lawnmower Man and My Left Foot.”

***********************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

You’ll never guess what happened to me!

editor — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 13:00:32 +0000

Good morning crew,

You’ll never guess what happened to me last week! It was
Wednesday and after work I went to the gym, like I usually
do, then I met several people at the bar for a couple pre-
Thanksgiving drinks.

I left early and went home to fix myself a late night snack.
Settling down in front of the TV with a sandwich and a drink
I grabbed the remote and prepared for an hour or two of
relaxation before kicking off the long holiday weekend.

Just as I pressed the power button there was a loud “BzzZZT!”
and the TV never came on. Dead as a doornail.

I had four days of indolence ahead of me and no television
to share it with!

It was an eight-year-old tube TV, which by technology
standards is ancient. So repairing it did not really seem
cost effective to me.

So after a couple nights of sitting on the couch and staring
at a dead screen for hours I finally broke down and bought a
brand new, flat screen LCD. Not that I have the money to go
around buying a new, flat screen LCD, but the store offered
my 18 months of credit, interest-free, and I didn’t feel like
I could refuse that offer.

But I don’t know. The 40-inches of crystal clear display
just doesn’t have the same charm as the old bubble-screen.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“Somali pirates have captured another ship. Interestingly,
al-Qaida has declared war on the pirates — it’s like evil
versus evil. It’s like Dick Cheney versus his lawyer.”
-Craig Ferguson

***

“Today was the big day for online shopping. It’s known as
Cyber Monday. And of course, tomorrow is Identity Theft
Tuesday.” -Jay Leno

***

“Some public schools now will be serving sushi. Well, if
you love cafeteria meatloaf, you’re going to really love
cafeteria sushi!” -Dave Letterman

———————————————————————————————-
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———————————————————————————————-

An area minister tells of his first Sunday in the new parish
and presenting the children’s message.

Seems the sanctuary in the new church had some magnificent
stained glass windows, so his message centered on how each
of us is called of God to help make up the whole picture of
life (the life of the community of the faithful). Like the
pictures in the windows, it takes many little panels of
glass to make the whole picture.

And then he said, “You see each of you is a little pane.”

And then pointing to each child individually, “You’re a
little pane. And you’re a little pane. And you’re a little
pane. And…”

It took a few moments before he realized why everyone was
laughing.

*——————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————*

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see
the head of human resources. “Since I’ve been with the firm
for so long,” he said, “I think I deserve at least a letter
of recommendation.”

The human resources director agreed and said he’d have the
letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found
the letter on his desk. It read, “Jonathan Peters worked for
our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very
satisfied.”