Clean Laffs

Posts Tagged ‘Dating’

It turns out it wasn’t a revenge plot.

April 21st, 2009

Good morning crew,

My girlfriend took me out for dinner Saturday night. She
said she got a good review from one of her friends about
a pizza place close to her neighborhood in the burbs.

We got there and found a somewhat seedy looking bar with
a little, separate dining room furnished with some unsteady
looking tables covered with plastic, red and white checkered
table ‘cloths’.

I leaned over to my date and whispered, “You didn’t have a
fight with your friend recently, have you?”

“No. Why?”

“Because I think I just saw that waitress scratch a scab.”

“Give it a chance,” she cautioned me. “You’ve taken me to
much worse places…and they may have great food.”

So I gave it a chance. I need to have a really good reason
to turn down free food. And I will concede that I did not
get any kind of poisoning from the pizza.

But I was a little hurt at her accusation. I haven’t taken
her to MUCH worse places.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are
predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party
ice.” –David Letterman

***

“In New Jersey hunters will soon be able to hunt bear. Hunting
of bears is being made legal. A word to New Jersey residents
- running over a bear in your Camaro is not hunting.”
–Craig Kilborn

***

“I have to talk to my girlfriend every day on the phone. My
husband says, ‘Why do you have to talk to her again today?
You just talked to her yesterday. What could you possibly
have to tell her?’ ‘Well, for one thing, I have to tell her
you just said that.’” –Rita Rudner

———————————————————————————————-
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———————————————————————————————-

On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper
sack over it upon which was written: “Broken.”

A skeptical parking officer removed the bag, inserted a
quarter in the meter and turned the dial. It worked
perfectly. As the officer began to write a parking ticket,
the car’s owner rushed out of a nearby building.

“What are you doing?” he yelled after a quick glance at the
meter. “There’s plenty of time left!”

*———————- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————–*

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised
by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel:
“An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is
under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from
an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in
a ‘compromising position.’”

“See, I have a problem with that passion business,”
responded the jury candidate. “During my first marriage,
I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All
I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot
him.” She wasn’t selected for the jury.