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	<title>Clean Laffs &#187; Bowling</title>
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		<title>Chicks have to feel like they&#8217;re on top.</title>
		<link>http://cleanlaffs.gophercentral.com/2009/01/14/chicks-have-to-feel-like-theyre-on-top/</link>
		<comments>http://cleanlaffs.gophercentral.com/2009/01/14/chicks-have-to-feel-like-theyre-on-top/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 14 Jan 2009 13:00:29 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>editor</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Newsletters]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Bowling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clean Laffs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Jokes]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://cleanlaffs.gophercentral.com/?p=106</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Good morning crew, 
     Joe, Everyone wants to know your bowling score
     and whether you were shown up by Barack Obama,
     who during the campaign bowled a 30-something
     through 7 frames at which time he gave up. -Kaz
I did a little better than Barry. In three games I scored
an 80-something, then I peaked in the second [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Good morning crew, </p>
<p>     Joe, Everyone wants to know your bowling score<br />
     and whether you were shown up by Barack Obama,<br />
     who during the campaign bowled a 30-something<br />
     through 7 frames at which time he gave up. -Kaz</p>
<p>I did a little better than Barry. In three games I scored<br />
an 80-something, then I peaked in the second game with a<br />
105, but by the third game I had dropped again into the<br />
90s. I didn&#8217;t mind, though, because my date was beating me<br />
and she was feeling good about herself.</p>
<p>Every now and then you have to let chicks feel like they<br />
are on top!</p>
<p>Laugh it up,</p>
<p>Joe</p>
<p>                            ***</p>
<p>FOREVER GREEN BAGS &#8211; Package of 16&#8230;</p>
<p>Normal Price: $9.99<br />
DEAL PRICE: $5.99<br />
Get Two Packages (32 Bags) for $9.98</p>
<p>Tired of throwing out rotten food? Green Bags prolong the life<br />
of your fruits, vegetables and cut flowers without the use of<br />
chemicals. Stock up on produce without worrying about rapid<br />
spoilage or extend the life of your homegrown fruits &amp; veggies.</p>
<p>HOW GREEN BAGS WORK:<br />
Fruits, vegetables and flowers release ethylene gas while<br />
ripening after harvesting or picking. Ethylene gas accelerates<br />
ripening, aging and rotting. Green Bags absorb and remove this<br />
damaging gas, dramatically extending the life of fruits,<br />
vegetables and flowers.</p>
<p>FEATURES:<br />
- You get 16 Green Bags (8 &#8211; 9&#8243; x 15&#8243;, 8 &#8211; 12&#8243; x 17&#8243;)<br />
- Save Money&#8230; Waste Less Produce<br />
- Reusable up to 20 Times<br />
- Keep Produce Fresh Approx. 30 Day<br />
- Reduce Vitamin Loss by 50%</p>
<p>It does all that with NO CHEMICALS! Get one package of 16 Green<br />
Bags for $5.99 or pick up two packages (32 Green Bags) for $9.98.<br />
Yep&#8230; you&#8217;re getting two for the normal price of one. VISIT:<br />
<a href="http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14363/c/120/a/505">http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14363/c/120/a/505</a><br />
&lt;a href=&#8221;<a href="http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14363/c/120/a/505">http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14363/c/120/a/505</a>&#8220;&gt;<br />
FOREVER GREEN BAGS &#8211; Package of 15&#8230;&lt;/a&gt;</p>
<p>                            ***</p>
<p>&#8220;The Detroit Auto Show opened today. America&#8217;s automakers<br />
are showing off their latest cars. Unfortunately, they<br />
didn&#8217;t get as much of the bailout as they thought, so a<br />
ticket into the auto show costs $1.3 billion.&#8221;<br />
 -Craig Ferguson</p>
<p>                            ***</p>
<p>&#8220;A couple of days ago, there were UFO sightings in New<br />
Jersey. But don&#8217;t worry, it&#8217;s not an invasion — they were<br />
just looking for a place to dump a body.&#8221; -David Letterman</p>
<p>                            ***</p>
<p>&#8220;I read in the paper that by the year 2015, obesity will<br />
be the leading cause of death. Especially for the person<br />
on the bottom.&#8221; -Jay Leno</p>
<p>&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;-<br />
#1 CHRISTMAS GIFT&#8230; The Super Fly Monkey<br />
Way More Fun Than A Barrel of Monkeys&#8230;</p>
<p>Retail Price: $14.99<br />
DEAL PRICE: $9.99<br />
Get two Flying Monkeys for $15.98</p>
<p>It&#8217;s a bird, it&#8217;s a plane, no&#8230; It&#8217;s a screaming, flying<br />
monkey&#8230;</p>
<p>The Superfly Monkey is an exciting toy for kids of all ages.<br />
Just place two fingers in the monkey&#8217;s paws, aim, stretch his<br />
legs and let go, and the Superfly Monkey will soar up to 50<br />
feet in the air.</p>
<p>While the monkey is flying through the air, he makes fun monkey<br />
sounds. No batteries needed. Monkey Cape colors may vary.</p>
<p>To see the Flying Monkey in action or to order, visit:<br />
<a href="http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/j42y00">http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/j42y00</a><br />
&lt;a href=&#8221;<a href="http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/j42y00">http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/j42y00</a>&#8220;&gt;<br />
#1 CHRISTMAS GIFT&#8230; The Super Fly Monkey&lt;/a&gt;<br />
&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;-</p>
<p>During a tour at the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum, a New York<br />
City woman mentioned that she was raising a type of cactus in<br />
a pot on her apartment balcony. Another tourist asked her how<br />
she kept from watering it too much, because the cactus would<br />
die if over watered.</p>
<p>&#8220;I subscribe to the Tucson newspaper,&#8221; replied the New Yorker.<br />
&#8220;Every time I read that it rained in the desert, I give my<br />
plant some water.&#8221;</p>
<p>*&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8211; Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes &#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;*</p>
<p>A woman, her husband, and their three rambunctious young sons<br />
were in their car waiting at a traffic.  The woman glanced<br />
over at the car next them, noticing a blissfully happy mother<br />
with her baby daughter.</p>
<p>Looking at her husband she said, &#8220;As soon as I lose my weight<br />
from the last baby, I want to try for a daughter.&#8221;</p>
<p>The husband reached up to the dash, grabbed an open box of<br />
snacks, and said, &#8220;Here, have another cookie.&#8221;</p>
<p>**********************************************<br />
END OF CLEAN LAFFS <br />
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>I haven&#8217;t done this in years!</title>
		<link>http://cleanlaffs.gophercentral.com/2009/01/13/i-havent-done-this-in-years/</link>
		<comments>http://cleanlaffs.gophercentral.com/2009/01/13/i-havent-done-this-in-years/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 13 Jan 2009 13:00:31 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>editor</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Newsletters]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Bowling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clean Laffs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Jokes]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://cleanlaffs.gophercentral.com/?p=105</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Good morning crew,
I did something this weekend that I haven&#8217;t done in years;
bowling! I had a date on Saturday (hey, it happens) and she
managed to talk me into going bowling.
There is a reason I don&#8217;t play this game any oftener than
twice a decade. I could not keep that ball in the lane with
any consistency! With [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Good morning crew,</p>
<p>I did something this weekend that I haven&#8217;t done in years;<br />
bowling! I had a date on Saturday (hey, it happens) and she<br />
managed to talk me into going bowling.</p>
<p>There is a reason I don&#8217;t play this game any oftener than<br />
twice a decade. I could not keep that ball in the lane with<br />
any consistency! With one ball I was throwing a strike and<br />
with the next ball I was straight down the gutter.</p>
<p>It was a little embarrassing. It&#8217;s hard to impress a girl<br />
when you&#8217;re being shown up by the teenager in the next lane<br />
over.</p>
<p>Laugh it up,</p>
<p>Joe</p>
<p>                            ***</p>
<p>SUPER SIZE SHAMMIE<br />
Made In Germany, Don&#8217;t Be Fooled By Others&#8230;</p>
<p>Retail Price: $9.99<br />
DEAL PRICE: $2.99<br />
Get two for $4.98</p>
<p>Now is the time to get this FULL SIZED SHAMMIE for just $2.99.<br />
Made in Germany don&#8217;t be fooled by others on the market that<br />
just don&#8217;t do the job AND are more than triple the price!</p>
<p>Like on TV, this Super Size Shammie Absorbs 50% than natural<br />
chamois. It&#8217;s extra large size of 27 x 17 can be cut in half<br />
for smaller jobs. Durable enough for just about any task, but<br />
soft and gentle enough for use on any surface.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s the PERFECT cleaning cloth and has hundreds of household<br />
uses: floors, countertops, appliances, furniture windows, pets<br />
and more. Perfect for washing car or boat, too!. Like on TV,<br />
this soft, absorbent and non-abrasive cloth is 100% polyester<br />
and will not scratch or damage any surface. Best of all&#8230; it&#8217;s<br />
reusable! Just machine washable&#8230; but do not tumble dry.<br />
<a href="http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/9u1617">http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/9u1617</a><br />
&lt;a href=&#8221;<a href="http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/9u1617">http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/9u1617</a>&#8220;&gt;<br />
SUPER SIZE SHAMMIE &#8211; Made In Germany&#8230;&lt;/a&gt;</p>
<p>                            ***</p>
<p>&#8220;You&#8217;ve got to be very careful if you don&#8217;t know where you&#8217;re  <br />
going, because you might not get there.&#8221;  </p>
<p>                            ***</p>
<p>&#8220;I have a Y chromosome that makes me ask, Why get married?<br />
But I wouldn&#8217;t want to put down marriage as a whole &#8211; which<br />
it is.&#8221; &#8211;Kevin Hench</p>
<p>                            ***</p>
<p>&#8220;For those who may not know this: When the preacher says,<br />
&#8216;You may now kiss the bride,&#8217; he&#8217;s only speaking to the<br />
groom.&#8221; -David Gunter</p>
<p>&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;-<br />
CLEARANCE ITEM: Mix &amp; Go<br />
The Powerful, Portable Mixer With A Spill Proof Cup&#8230;</p>
<p>Retail Price: $14.99<br />
DEAL PRICE: $5.99</p>
<p>The Spill Proof Cup Comes With It&#8217;s Own Mixer!</p>
<p>The amazing Mix &amp; Go has an innovative snap-tight lid design<br />
that makes it perfect for outdoor activities. Great for mixing<br />
health drinks, pancake batter, beats eggs fast and much much more.</p>
<p>What everyone loves about the Mix &amp; Go is it comes with its own<br />
mini electric whisk so you can prepare individual servings of<br />
food and drink, anywhere and anytime.</p>
<p>Out and about&#8230; it is ideal for mixing up baby formula,<br />
powdered slimming drinks and milkshakes. At home&#8230; it is a<br />
convenient no mess way to whisk small portions of fresh<br />
mayonnaise or custard, froth up coffee mix, health drinks, beat<br />
eggs, even make pancake batter.</p>
<p>The slim line 14 oz. mug fits in car drinks holders.</p>
<p>Grab one, two, three or more&#8230; this makes a GREAT gift for<br />
just about anyone. It&#8217;s something that will be used over<br />
and over and over. Visit:<br />
<a href="http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/2n46s3">http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/2n46s3</a><br />
&lt;a href=&#8221;<a href="http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/2n46s3">http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/2n46s3</a>&#8220;&gt;<br />
Powerful, Portable Mixer &amp; Spill Proof Cup&#8230;&lt;/a&gt;<br />
&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;-</p>
<p>Heading off to college at the age of 40, I was a bit self-<br />
conscious about my advancing years. One morning I complained<br />
to my husband that I was the oldest student in my class.<br />
&#8220;Even the professor is younger than I am,&#8221; I said.</p>
<p>&#8220;Yeah,&#8221; he said optimistically, &#8220;but look at it from my point<br />
of view. At my age I never thought I would be fooling around<br />
with a college girl again!&#8221;</p>
<p>*&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8211; Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes &#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;*</p>
<p>A big, beefy, leather-wearing, biker type fellow walks into<br />
a bar, slams his fist down, and demands in a loud voice,<br />
&#8220;Give me a bottle of beer, or else&#8230;!&#8221;</p>
<p>Scared, the bartender serves the man his beer. This happens<br />
every day for a week straight, and the bartender turns into<br />
a nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells<br />
him he should stand up for himself. Easier said than done,<br />
he thinks, but he decides to try it.</p>
<p>The next day, the biker returns.</p>
<p>&#8220;Give me a bottle of beer, or else&#8230;!&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8220;O-o-o-or else w-w-w-what?&#8221; stammers the bartender.</p>
<p>&#8220;Or else I&#8217;ll take a draft&#8230;if you&#8217;re out of bottles.&#8221;</p>
<p>***********************************************<br />
END OF CLEAN LAFFS <br />
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.</p>
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