Clean Laffs

Posts Tagged ‘Boat Show’

A lot of fresh fantasy material.

January 30th, 2009

Good morning crew,

Despite the fact that we are in the middle of trying to sell
the Albatross, old Mason and I are heading to the Strictly
Sail boat show at Navy Pier tomorrow.

It’s just for the fun of it, I swear! Standing on the deck
and playing with the accessories of a $500,000 44-foot ocean-
going yacht provides a lot of fantasy material.

If you’re going to be there tomorrow between one to five in
the afternoon keep an eye out for me. I’ll be the guy who
left his checkbook at home.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“According to a new survey that just came out, the issue
most on the minds of college students is whether they’ll
be able to find a job when they graduate. Experts say it’s
silly for college students to worry about whether or not
they’ll be able to find a job — because the answer is no.”
-Conan O’Brien

***

“A new study says that whether or not you’re shy depends on
your jeans. I knew that years ago — if you wear jeans that
show off your thong, you’re not shy.” -Craig Ferguson

***

“And President Obama said today when it comes to passing
a stimulus package, ‘We can’t afford distractions’ or
‘delays.’ And, of course, you know who took offense to this
in Congress? The head of the Senate Distractions and Delays
Committee. He was furious.” –Jay Leno

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At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district-court
judge found the perfect green tie to match one of her
husband’s sport jackets. Soon after, while the couple was
relaxing at a resort complex to get his mind off a com-
plicated cocaine-conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round
disc sewn into the tie. The judge showed it to a local FBI
agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a “bug”
planted by the conspiracy defendants.

The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters in Washington,
D.C., for analysis. Next week the judge phoned Washington to
find out the results of their tests.

“We’re not sure where the disc came from,” the FBI told
him, “but we discovered that when you press it, it plays
‘Jingle Bells.’”

*——————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————*

Two convicts are working on a chain gang. “I heard the
warden’s daughter up and married a guy down on cellblock D,”
the first con says to the other. “The warden’s mighty upset
about it too.”

“Why?” asks the second prisoner. “Because she married a con?”

“No. Because they eloped.”