Clean Laffs

Posts Tagged ‘Black Belt’

Pulls, twists and bruises.

June 11th, 2009

Good morning crew,

I don’t know if it is a matter of not being as young as I
used to be, but I seem to be suffering a string of annoying
injuries. Pulls, twists and bruises. Nothing really
debilitating, but it is putting a crimp in my preparations
for the black belt test coming up in two weeks. How am I
supposed to train hard like Jet Li in ‘Fist of Legend’ when
I can barely sit down without pain?

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

Amaze Your Friends With The Magic Calculator & FM Scan Radio
Listen To Music, Figure Out A Tip & more…

List Price: $7.99
DEAL PRICE: $2.99

So Cool You’ll Wonder… How Does It Work!

This Calculator with FM Scan Radio is designed with a Magic
case that can be opened and closed by one way rolling. It is
a wonderful Gadget Gift and is also a practical radio. It’s
compact size is quite suitable for all mobile users as you
can put it in the pocket or small handbag.

FEATURES:
- 8 digit Calculator
- (2) CR2016 button Cell Batteries are included
- Auto-Scan FM Radio with Reset Function
- Stereo Earphones with Volume Control

Grab one for the closeout price of just $2.99. We have a little
over 2,000 of these. At this low price, you’ll want to grab a
few. They make wonderful gifts for both young and old.
Visit: http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14486/c/120/a/505
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14486/c/120/a/505“>
The Magic Calculator & FM Scan Radio</a>

***

“Big entertainment news-—it’s being reported that a movie
version of the classic board game ‘Battleship’ is in the
works. Producers say the ‘Battleship’ movie will capture
all the excitement of a letter and number being read aloud.”
-Conan O’Brien

***

“Happy Birthday to Kenny G, who turned 53 today. He had a
huge birthday party in one of New York’s hottest elevators.”
-David Letterman

***

“A pastor in Kentucky is asking parishioners to bring their
guns to church to help celebrate the Fourth of July and the
Second Amendment. The church loves the idea. Donations have
gone up 500% since they started passing the collection plate
at gunpoint.” –Jimmy Fallon

———————————————————————————————–
Karada Cleansing/Detox Foot Pads

Retail Price: $19.99
DEAL PRICE: $9.99 (for package of 10)

Over 18 million foot patches are sold every month in Asia,
see what they can do for you. Japanese Detox Foot Patches
are all the rage and now you can get them without paying
an outrageous price… get them for 1/2 price while you can.

The Karada Cleansing Foot Pads are made from bamboo vinegar,
an ingredient Japanese scientists have proven has the ability
to draw out toxins from the body.

These foot patches are said to stimulate nerve endings on the
bottom of your feet which in turn stimulate the secretion of
lymph fluid. Using the Karada Foot Pads you have the ability
to pull out the impurities in your body by focusing on the
acupressure points in your feet. Best of all, they are so
easy to use.

Features:
- Helps cleanse your body by drawing-out chemicals & toxins.
- Includes 10 Patches
- 100% All-Natural formula made with real wood & bamboo vinegar.
- Easy-to-use individual wrapped packs

Get a 10-Pk for the low price. Save even more and get two
packages (20 pads in total) for $15.98. Visit:
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/lw1bb4
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/505/l/lw1bb4“>
Karada Cleansing/Detox Foot Pads </a>
———————————————————————————————–

Stolen Root Beer

Fred, who owns a restaurant, is convinced that one of his
employees is stealing root beer from him. Since he is a bad
businessman, he doesn’t keep very good records of his
inventory or his employees, so he doesn’t know who is doing it.
He decides to set a trap to find out who is stealing from him.

He assigns each of his employees a different night to close up
shop. He then arranges the last 28 bottles of root beer in a
square so that each side has nine bottles, as shown below:

2 5 2
5 0 5
2 5 2

Fred figures that whatever day he comes in where there are no
longer nine bottles to a side, he will know it was the person
who closed the night before who is doing it.

Unfortunately for Fred, Bob, the thief, figures it out and
manages to take four more bottles the night of his shift,
rearranging the bottles so that Fred doesn’t realize they’re
missing. Not only that, but Bob was able to take four more
bottles away the next night he closed while still rearranging
them to have nine bottles on each side.

How did Bob do it?

After Bob takes the first four bottles, he arranges the
remaining 24 bottles like this:

3 3 3
3 0 3
3 3 3

When he takes the next four and only leaves 20 bottles, he
arranges them like this:

4 1 4
1 0 1
4 1 4

*———————- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————–*

My husband was telling me about a news item he heard on
National Public Radio about how the U.S. military is en-
listing honeybees to find land mines. The insects are
trained to react to the scent of TNT, then are fitted
with transmitters and sent out to search for underground
explosives. “When they smell TNT,” my husband explained,
“the insects hover over the area and the military tracks
them to the site to safely eliminate the land mine.”

“Gee,” I remarked, “it gives a whole new meaning to the
slogan ‘Bee all that you can bee!’”