Clean Laffs

Posts Tagged ‘Baseball’

I’m embarrassed to even tell you.

August 27th, 2008

Good morning crew,

Wow, is it supposed to be a gorgeous week! Eighty and sunny
right through Labor Day. I just hope I get to see some of
it. I pushed myself a little harder than I should have, going
out on Saturday and then to the gym Monday night. I woke up
yesterday with my head cold back, worse than it was last week.
And I had better be in shape by Saturday because I let myself
get talked into attending a baseball party at a rooftop ad-
jacent to Wrigley Park where the Chicago Cubs play, and the
ticket was about a million dollars (non-refundable).

This is quite a little scam they have going on. There are
several low buildings right across the street from the park
with a perfect view of the field. So what do they do? In-
stall bleacher seats on the roof and sell them, along with
food and beer packages, at exorbitant prices to the gullible
public.

Anyway, I’m embarrassed to even tell you what I paid for one
of these tickets, so I’m going to head home a little early
and try to get ten hours of sleep tonight so I’m back on my
game!

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“British scientists are now seeking permission to fuse human
cells with rabbit eggs. Their goal is to create a human with
a lucky foot.” –Jay Leno

***

“A recent study has found that more senior citizens than
ever are entering college. College faculty says that the
seniors are like any other students but take Jell-O shots
just for the Jell-O.” –Conan O’Brien

***

“The French have launched their own version of Google,
called Quaero. You just type in the subject you’re
interested in, and Quaero refuses to look it up for you.”
–Amy Poehler

————————————————————
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————————————————————

I remember a Christmas years ago when my son was a kid. I
bought him a tank. It was about a hundred dollars, a lot
of money in those days. It was the kind of tank you could
actually get inside and ride. Instead, after hours of
assembly on my part, he ended up played in the box it came
in.

It taught me a valuable lesson. Next year he got a box, and
I got a hundred dollars’ worth of scotch.

*————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes —————*

A guy and a girl are having a drink together in a bar. The
man raises his glass and says, “Here’s hoping you’re in
Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you’re dead!”

“What’s that mean?” asks the girl.

“That,” answers her date, “is an authentic Irish toast.”

“Oh. Well, here’s to bread, eggs and cinnamon.”

“Bread, eggs and cinnamon? What’s that?”

The girl says, “That’s French toast.”