Clean Laffs

Posts Tagged ‘Bachelor Party’

About fifteen minutes of crotch-pulling.

May 5th, 2009

Good morning crew,

Steve’s bachelor party was this Saturday past. That was
an adventure. He and his crew are all baseball fans, so
they all wanted to go downtown to see a Cubs game. I am
indifferent to baseball at best, subsequently it has been
several years since I’ve actually been to a live game.

The adventure started when we had to park twelve blocks
away from Wrigley Field. That I didn’t mind so much. A
good stretch of the legs never hurt anybody, but on the
streets of the city is was a comfortable sixty-nine or
seventy degrees. When we finally battled through the
crowds, through the phalanx of street hawkers and through
the ticket and security personnel, and made it all the way
up, through tier after tier of bleachers onto the roof of
the building where our seats were, the wind was blowing a
brisk 20-25 miles-per-hour and the wind chill was about
fifty degrees. And my t-shirt wasn’t cutting it.

It was a fairly exciting game…what I could see of it
though the tears in my eyes. Plus, after every ten minutes
in my seat I had to walk down to the concession level to
warm up my numb extremities. At least down there the heat
coming off of the thousands of bodies standing in line for
beer and hotdogs acted as sort of a Brownian generator. But
that cut into a lot of game time.

Between waiting in line for beer and hotdogs, and the bath-
room and squinting into the wind and blowing into my hands,
I probably saw a good fifteen minutes of crotch-pulling and
dirt kicking. It was very engrossing.

That was the afternoon. I’ll tell you about the rest of the
day later.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“It’s bad in Mexico. They’re not allowing anyone to go to
the soccer games. They’re playing them, just no fans are
in the stands. Just like soccer here in the United States.”
-David Letterman

***

“You know who’s really worried about this swine flu? Kevin
Bacon.” –Jay Leno

***

“In business news after receiving billions of dollars in
government bailout money, the company Chrysler ended up
filing for bankruptcy protection today. Chrysler was founded
in 1923 by Walter P. Chrysler, but it really took off under
his younger brother, Jesus H. Chrysler, who’s I guess like
some kind of marketing genius.” –Jimmy Kimmel

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There are women whose thoughtful husbands buy them flowers
for no reason. And then there’s me. One day I couldn’t stand
it any longer. “Why don’t you ever bring me flowers?” I asked.

“What’s the point?” my husband said. “They die after about a
week.”

“So could you,” I shot back, “but I still like having you
around.”

*———————- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————–*

“‘That’s a great place to work!” shouted my 16-year-old
brother after coming home from the first day at his first
job. “I get two weeks’ paid vacation.”

“I’m so glad,” said my mother.

“Yeah,” added John. “I can’t wait to find out where they
send me.”