Clean Laffs

Posts Tagged ‘4th of July’

I was morally obligated!

July 7th, 2009

Good morning crew,

Whew! It was quite a weekend. Thursday night I went out for
a few hours with the group from the school. There was a low-
belt test so a bunch of people wanted to go out and celebrate
a little bit. I felt morally obligated to go with!

Friday I did make it downtown to The Taste of Chicago. I’ll
tell you about that later, but it’s enough to say it was a
long, crowded day. And what do you think we did after
spending four hours at the Taste? Went to dinner of course.
I didn’t get home Friday night until well after midnight.

Saturday was the Fourth of July barbecue at Cousin Kaz’s.
That started at about 2 in the afternoon and went until about
8. By the time Sunday rolled around I felt like I had run a
marathon. So it’s going to be a few days before I feel up to
doing much more than sitting on the sofa and drinking weak
tea with a few aspirin.

Excuse me while I sneak out to my truck to take a nap.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“I tried to make money as a kid. I had a lemonade stand for
about six weeks. I made no money. I had to burn it down and
collect insurance.” –Brian Kiley

***

“What they put women through today when they’re having a baby!
They don’t want to medicate them, as compared to previous
generations. When my mom had me, she had so much medication,
she didn’t wake up till I was seven.” –Dennis Wolfberg

***

“My parents told me, ‘Finish your dinner. People in China
and India are starving.’ I tell my daughters, ‘Finish your
homework. People in India and China are starving for your
job.’” –Thomas Friedman

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Recently launched into the “real world” and shocked by the
expenses that came with it, my brother was complaining
about the high cost of auto insurance.

“If you got married,” teased my dad, “the premium would be
much lower.”

My brother smiled and said, “Dad, that would be like buying
an airline just to get free peanuts.”

*———————- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————–*

As the horror movie was about to reach its terrifying con-
clusion, the young woman began fidgeting in her seat next
to her date.

The man sitting behind her leaned forward and inquired,
“Excuse me. Are you feeling hysterical?”

“No,” she whispered. “He’s feeling mine.”