Clean Laffs

Archive for March, 2009

It tastes exactly like you would expect.

March 31st, 2009

Good morning crew,

A little bit of money in the pocket is a dangerous thing.
I went out both Friday and Saturday nights and spent more
than I should have…but the real nut came on Sunday.

For some reason I have been obsessing about caviar lately.
I have eaten a lot of different kinds of foods. I have had
everything from oysters and snails to snake meat and Rocky
Mountain Oysters (don’t ask me…look it up if you’re really
curious), but I have never had caviar and it felt like a
glaring hole in my culinary experience.

You would be surprised how difficult it is to find. I called
several very good restaurants in my area and none of them
serve it. I eventually had to drive way out in the suburbs
to some gourmet food store to find it.

And when I did find it they wanted 35 dollars for one ounce
of the stuff! And this wasn’t even an expensive brand. Of
course, at that point I couldn’t very well chicken out…so
I bought it.

And the verdict is…it is almost exactly what you would ex-
pect fish eggs to taste like. If you have ever had anchovies
you already have a very good idea of what caviar is like.
Was it bad? No, but you won’t see me dropping 35 bucks on it
again.

I have a funny feeling it would taste really good with an ice
cold vodka martini.

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“The method preferred by most balding men for making them-
selves look silly is called the ‘comb-over,’ which is when
the man grows the hair on one side of his head very long
and combs it across the bald area, creating an effect that
looks…from the top…like an egg in the grasp of a large
tropical spider.” –Dave Barry

***

“‘Muesli’ is not a word we use in America. When we sweep up
after we have been doing woodwork and put it in a bag with
mixed nuts and a little birdseed, and pretend it’s a health-
ful breakfast, we call it granola.”
–Bill Bryson in I’M A STRANGER HERE MYSELF

***

“Scrapie is another excellent word. Scrapie clearly couldn’t
mean anything but a disease. Though, on reflection, it might
be a Scottish cut, as in, ‘e fell down and got a wee scrapie
on his knee.” –Bill Bryson

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At the Boeing Museum of Flight in Seattle, there is a full
size mockup of an F/A-18 fighter. A ramp allows visitors
to climb into the cockpit and get a sense of what the pilot
sees and feels.

A guide at the top of the ramp points out the various
controls and gauges in the cockpit and gives information
about the aircraft’s capabilities to each visitor who gets
in.

When my two-year-old son sat down in the plane, he seemed
fascinated by all he saw and heard. Then, he looked out at
us and said, “Gramma, could I have a quarter?”

*——————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————*

An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a
convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the
priest’s much-loved roses.

“Not bad,” said the priest, “but they suffer from a disease
peculiar to this area known as the black death.”

“What on earth is that?” asked the passerby, anxious to
increase his garden knowledge.

“Nuns with scissors.”