Clean Laffs

Archive for February, 2009

There are worse ways to get a black eye.

February 27th, 2009

ood morning crew,

The last few weeks at the gym I have been trying to teach
myself hand springs (or flip-flops as some people call them).
This isn’t some new fascination. Back in college I goofed
around with gymnastics a bit and could do a few maneuvers
with some success, if not talent.

But it is true that if you don’t use it you lose it. As the
years have trickled by those hard-won skills have pretty
much vanished to where I am starting off again at scratch.

So the other night I recruited two other guys at the gym to
spot me while I practiced. One guy on either side supported
my lower back while I launched myself backward wildly in an
attempt to recapture some of my lost youth.

In my defense I did caution both of them to lean back so they
wouldn’t catch a stray limb as I went over…I think you can
tell where this is going.

Round about my fourth or fifth attempt the poor sucker on my
left looked down to try and see why I kept landing on my head
instead of my arms and caught one of my knees right in his
eye.

I didn’t quite knock him down, but I staggered him. The poor
guy. I felt really bad. So tonight when I go to the gym I’ll
get to see if he’s sporting a black eye.

At least if he is it’ll make him look tough…as long as no-
body asks how he got it!

Laugh it up,

Joe

***

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***

“My mother was as religious as she was repressed. Her facts
of life speech began with the phrase, ‘Satan takes many
forms…’” -Dana Gould

***

“I failed my driver’s test. The guy asked me, “What do you
do at a red light?”

I said, “I don’t know, look around, fiddle with the radio.”
–Bill Braudis

***

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any liquid-filled furniture?’ Couldn’t they just have said
‘waterbed’? How many other forms of liquid-filled furniture
are there? ‘Yeah, I have a beer couch, will that be a
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Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of
Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated
on my driver’s license.

“Will there be any change of address?” the clerk inquired.

“No,” I replied.

“Oh, good,” she said, clearly delighted. “You got the house.”

*——————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————*

Quasimodo goes to a doctor for his annual checkup.

“I think something is wrong with your back,” the doctor
says.

“What makes you say that?” Quasimodo asks.

“I don’t know,” the doctor replies. “It’s just a hunch.”