Good morning crew,
Welcome to 2009! Feels weird doesn’t it? It does to me any-
way. Although apparently a lot of people could care less.
Just last night I stopped at one of those 24-hour gas station
mini-marts to get myself a fresh-brewed cup of coffee. When
I picked up the pot, I could not help noticing that the brew
was as black as asphalt and just about as thick.
“How old is the coffee you have here?” I asked the woman who
was standing behind the store counter.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve only been working here two
weeks.”
Laugh it up,
Joe
***
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***
“You all have a nice holiday? How many still have their
Christmas tree up? How many still have a rotting pumpkin
on their porch?” –Jay Leno
***
“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in.
A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.”
–Bill Vaughan
***
“I do think New Year’s resolutions can’t technically be ex-
pected to begin on New Year’s Day, don’t you? Since, because
it’s an extension of New Year’s Eve, smokers are already on
a smoking roll and cannot be expected to stop abruptly on the
stroke of midnight with so much nicotine in the system. Also
dieting on New Year’s Day isn’t a good idea as you can’t eat
rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is
necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover.
I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began
generally on January the second.”
–Helen Fielding, Bridget Jones’s Diary
———————————————————————————————-
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Hand Crank Radio Runs For Over 20 Minutes Without Batteries…
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———————————————————————————————-
[Following are some very funny spelling bloopers caught in
local newspapers, publications and various emails. See if
you can catch the goofs.]
1. “…an autopsy to determine if the elderly man lost
courteousness for medical reasons.” (Trenton, N.J.)
2. “[An NBA coach] will take charge of a young team still in
the throws of a roster overhaul.” (Vernon, Conn.)
3. “‘It’s pretty exciting,’ according to his material grand-
mother.” (Potsdam, N.Y.)
4. “The MCCC fight team won 21 out of 32 awards and brought
home nine metals.” Including the gold? (Trenton, N.J.)
5. “McNabb…exasperated the injury attempting to chase down
Dallas Cowboys safety Roy Williams.” (Trenton, N.J.)
6. “Boxer Pups AKC, 1M, 1F, Bread for Health and
Temperament.” (e-mail)
7. “[Paris Hilton] was probably going through cocaine
withdrawls.” Is she from the South? (Sunnyvale, Calif.)
8. “Our lunch menu [includes] a variety of hot entrees and
tempting deserts.” Presumably also hot. (Upper Saint Clair,
Pa.)
9. “Vincent was a brawny Swiss ex-patriot.” (San Jose,
Calif.)
10. “…those who acquaint shopping with charity.”
(Simsbury, Conn.)
—-
Corrections: 1. consciousness 2. throes 3. maternal 4. medals
5. exacerbated 6. bred 7. withdrawals 8. desserts 9. expatriate
10. equate
*——————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————*
The government will be requiring new food labels that are
more specific. Products will now be labeled, no fat, low
fat, reduced fat and fat, but great personality.
***********************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
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