Very few injuries as far as weddings go.
Good morning crew,
I guess I should mention a few details about the wedding,
like the bruised eyeball I received during the reception.
I’m not kidding! There is still a big, red blood bruise
in my right eye four days after the wedding.
I suppose it’s my own fault. I invited one of the girls from
the gym to go with me…one of the Taekwondo chicks. We were
on the dance floor doing the Funky Chicken, or something,
when I decided to be cute and make like I was going to give
her a bahndall chagi (or crescent kick).
It’s not like I was going to kick her, I was just goofing
around, but I guess she doesn’t have that kind of a sense
of humor, because she jacked me right in the eye.
She saw it earlier this week when I saw her again at the
school and she apologized for it, but I have this sneaking
suspicion she knew exactly what she was doing.
Fortunately that was the worst injury received during the
whole evening. Poor Mason came perilously close to getting
a concussion.
There is a bizarre tradition in his family that any of the
men who get married have to be thrown up in the air. I don’t
know who started this, or why, but all of the men in his
family really seem to get into it.
At one point I was at a corner table, talking to the maid
of honor and holding an ice cold bottle of beer up to my eye,
when one of Mason’s cousins snuck up to me and announced that
at the start of the next song every male in the room was
going to mob rush Mason and start launching him as high as
they could into the air.
Not one to be a party pooper I readily agreed.
There wasn’t much old Mason could do about it. One second he
is standing there on the dance floor, sweating in his rented
tuxedo and the next second fifteen guys have him lifted up
in the air and throwing him up and down.
It was about the second or third launch that I noticed the
ceiling fan whirring around on high directly above the mob
on the dance floor.
I screamed, “Ceiling fan!” But nobody heard me. Fortunately
they were about fifteen-foot ceilings and there weren’t quite
enough guys to get poor Mason that high. Not for lack of
trying, though.
It would have made a heck of a story.
Laugh it up,
Joe
***
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***
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Mensa is an organization whose members have an IQ of 140
or higher. A few years ago, there was a Mensa Convention
in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local
cafe.
While dining, they discovered that their saltshaker con-
tained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt.
How could they swap the contents of the bottles without
spilling, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly
this was a job for Mensa! The group debated and presented
ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution in-
volving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They
called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.
“Ma’am,” they said, “we couldn’t help but notice that the
pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker…”
“Oh,” the waitress interrupted. “Sorry about that.” She
unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.
*————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes —————*
Brandon, my grandson was working at a pet store that offered
free replacement fish to any that die. A lady called and
stated that her hamster had died. The salesperson who answered
the phone misunderstood her, thinking it was a fish, told her
to place it in a plastic bag with water and return it so it
could be replaced. The lady followed instructions to a “T”
and brought her dead hamster in a bag of water and handed to
my grandson and said “my hamster died.” Laughing he replied
“Was that before or after you placed it in the bag of water?”
He was fired for not showing sympathy to a customer!
***************************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
Tags: Clean Laffs, Injuries, Jokes, Weddings
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