Clean Laffs

Good morning crew,

Well, I did not make it to Chicago Gourmet this weekend,
but the wedding reception made up for it. It was at one
of the local, south side banquet halls and the food was
excellent.

It was what you call “family style” which means each
table is provided with giant platters of various dishes
and everybody just helps themselves. So you can help your-
self to more of one thing and less of another depending
on what you like.

The menu consisted of roast turkey breast with gravy and
stuffing, Thanksgiving style, Italian sausage and pasta
in red sauce…which was very good, roast beef with some
kind of delicious, doughy dumplings and a couple giant
tureens of golden sweet corn were making their way around
the table, as well.

The bar was not quite as well-stocked as I might have
liked, but what the bartender lacked in variety he made
up for in enthusiasm. So no one went thirsty.

One of the fun parts of going to a wedding where you don’t
know anyone, of course, is sticking your face in the back
of all the family photos. I was practically following the
photographer around half the night and whenever he got a
group of people in his sights there I was in the background,
drink in hand, grinning like an idiot.

Although that picture of me with the bride’s mother on my
lap might come back to bite me.

Laugh it up,

Joe 

                            ***

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                            ***

“Although a lot of people are on these low-carb diets,
doctors say be careful, because you need carbohydrates
because carbohydrates create a chemical in your brain that
cheers you up and fights depression. So the next time you
see a guy on a ledge, about to jump… throw him a dough-
nut.” –Jay Leno

                            ***

“A woman in California is being studied because she says
she remembers everything from the last 12 years. And I’m
thinking, ‘Wait a minute — isn’t that every woman?’”
 -Dave Letterman

                            ***

“This week a man in Florida was arrested for hitting the
manager of a Taco Bell in the face with a bag full of
Tacos. Afterwards, the Taco Bell manager said, ‘It’s weird,
my tacos usually don’t attack me until I’m in the bathroom.’”
 -Conan O’Brien

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My husband, Mike, and I had several stressful months of
financial difficulties. So one evening I was touched to
see him gazing at the diamond wedding ring that symbolized
our marriage. “With this ring…” I began romantically.

“We could pay off Visa,” he responded.

*————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes —————*

Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who
had recently retired was describing his life, “I get up late
in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down
on my veranda for a few hours and relax.

In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad,
fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon
boating or playing golf or tennis…

When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the
finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my
veranda again.”

The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be
envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She
asked, “What’s his wife’s name?”

Her husband said, “I’m not sure, but I think it’s Veranda.”

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END OF CLEAN LAFFS 
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