Good morning crew,
We were having an impromptu Bible study the other morning
at the office and I pulled out Mark 12, 15-17.
“Jesus said unto them, bring me a denarius,
that I may see it. And they brought it. And
he saith unto them, Whose is this image and
superscription? And they said unto him,
Caesar’s. And Jesus said unto them, Render
unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s,
and unto God the things that are God’s.
And they marvelled greatly at him.”
I just love that language. I think it’s a shame that nobody
talks like this anymore (or maybe ever did). So I decided
to see if I could revive it.
I had my first opportunity last night when I stopped into
the local watering hole for a drink. I sat down at the bar
and the bartender asked, “What can I get you, buddy?”
So I said, “Render unto me a beer.”
He gave me a look and said, “Listen, pal, it’s against the
law to serve you if you’re already drunk. You’d better just
go home.”
Laugh it up,
Joe
***
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***
“This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest
for fun. I’m gonna have fun, and you’re gonna have fun.
We’re all gonna have so much ‘fun, we’ll need plastic
surgery to remove our goddamn smiles.”
-Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) in National Lampoon’s Vacation
***
“We’re no longer called Sonic Death Monkey. We’re on the
verge of becoming Kathleen Turner Overdrive, but just for
tonight, we are Barry Jive and his Uptown Five.”
-Barry (Jack Black) in High Fidelity
***
“And even if we win—-ha! Even if we play so far above our
heads that our noses bleed for a week; even if God in
heaven points his hand at our side of the field; even if
every man, woman and child joined hands together and prayed
for us to win, it just wouldn’t matter, because all the
really good-looking girls would still go out with the guys
from Mohawk, because they’ve got all the money!”
-Tripper Harrison (Bill Murray) in Meatballs
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Jill recently bought a new Volkswagen Beetle, that bright
green color. The first day she had it she made all kinds
of excuses to run errands. One of these errands was to
pick up clothes at the dry cleaners and go to the grocery.
The dry cleaners and the grocery are in the same strip
mall so she got a few things at the grocery, then ran by
the cleaners and got the clothes. Having her hands full
she laid the clothes on top while putting the groceries
in the car.
When she got home she was beaming, “You wouldn’t believe
how many people waved and honked their horns at the car
and me on the way home.” she said to her kids, “people
must really think this car is neat!”
About that time a car pulled up in our drive and a man
got out with an armload of our clothes. “Excuse me,” he
said, “but I’ve been trying to get your attention for
two miles, your clothes landed on my hood just after you
pulled out of the parking lot.”
*————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes —————*
Pauly got a job as a casket salesman in the local funeral
home. He’s talking to this old guy, who’s come in to plan
his funeral for “one of these days.”
“Now, sir,” says Pauly, ” think you’ll want this model.
It’s a beautiful piece of equipment, and a steal at
$4,000.”
“No,” said the old guy, “that’s really too much for a
casket. How much is THIS one right here?”
“Oh,” said Pauly, “it’s the bottom of the line and is just
$1,000.”
“I think I’d like that one,” said the old guy.
“Wait just a minute, sir. This casket is very narrow. You
just lie down in here and TRY to spread your elbows!”
************************************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
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