Clean Laffs

Good morning crew,

I know that dumping tons of salt all over the place isn’t
exactly environmentally friendly, but there are bare min-
imums of safety which should be considered in the winter
months.

We have had a lot of icy weather over the last couple of
weeks and neither the people who plow the office parking
lot nor the people who plow the condo parking lot seem to
be willing to part with any of their precious salt.

I have fallen three times in the last week alone! Twice in
the office parking lot—which is like walking on a giant
pane of oiled glass—and once in my own parking lot. That
just happened last night.

I was heading out to the truck to go to the gym and my left
fool slipped right out from under me. In a desperate attempt
to keep my balance I jumped straight up in the air, tucking
both of my feet under me, for some reason, and landed on
both my knees.

From an observer’s perspective it must have looked like I
spontaneously jumped up in the air and landed on my knees
for a quick prayer before getting in my truck.

I have the most remarkable pair of bruises on both of my
knees!

Laugh it up,

Joe

                            ***

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                            ***

“Exciting news from the Norwegian University of Science and
Technology. The Norwegians released a study today that says
having a sense of humor can help people live longer. In other
words, if you don’t laugh at this monologue tonight, you’re
going to die.” -Jimmy Kimmel

                            ***

so that it runs on fat left over from liposuction. That’s
right, Middle East — a car that runs on fat. Now who has
the greatest energy reserves in the world?” -Conan O’Brien

                            ***

“Here’s an announcement from the post office: Tomorrow is
the last day you can mail a gift to get it there by next
Christmas.” -David Letterman

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Stolen Root Beer

Fred, who owns a restaurant, is convinced that one of his
employees is stealing root beer from him. Since he is a bad
businessman, he doesn’t keep very good records of his
inventory or his employees, so he doesn’t know who is doing it.
He decides to set a trap to find out who is stealing from him.

He assigns each of his employees a different night to close up
shop. He then arranges the last 28 bottles of root beer in a
square so that each side has nine bottles, as shown below:

2 5 2
5 0 5
2 5 2

Fred figures that whatever day he comes in where there are no
longer nine bottles to a side, he will know it was the person
who closed the night before who is doing it.

Unfortunately for Fred, Bob, the thief, figures it out and
manages to take four more bottles the night of his shift,
rearranging the bottles so that Fred doesn’t realize they’re
missing. Not only that, but Bob was able to take four more
bottles away the next night he closed while still rearranging
them to have nine bottles on each side.

How did Bob do it?

After Bob takes the first four bottles, he arranges the
remaining 24 bottles like this:

3 3 3
3 0 3
3 3 3

When he takes the next four and only leaves 20 bottles, he
arranges them like this:

4 1 4
1 0 1
4 1 4
*——————– Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ———————*

A guy had just returned from two weeks of vacation. He asked
his boss for two more weeks off to get married.

“What!” shouted the boss? “I can’t give you more time now.
Why didn’t you get married while you were off?”

“Are you nuts?” he replied. “That would have ruined my whole
vacation.”

***********************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS 
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